Every Mentally Sane Girl's Guide to Baby-sitting a Norse God
by crystaloverdrive
Summary: Patricia Page is just your average and normal teenage girl; a typical Avenger geek, a Hiddlestoner and a total aloof at socializing with people too. But what if one day, she finds Loki Laufeyson in her house ? She also finds out that things aren't the way they used to be right after she'd found him. In spite of all the craziness going on, they both make a deal. Loki x OC
1. Oh Hell No

Every Mentally Sane Girl's Guide to Baby –sitting a Norse God.

a/n : so I'm back ! Ehehe. My imagination is kicking in again. xD

btw, sorry for the extremely long title, I couldn't think of any short titles to fit my story.

Unbeta'd and all mistakes belong to me. All the outrageousness of this story too.  
I don't own Loki nor any Marvel-related things in my story, I only own my OC and the plot.

Enjoy reading EMSGGBNG !  
Warning : contains some peanuts and strong languages, I advice those who are sensitive with flowery words should stay away from this story and pretend that you never came across it.  
_  
If symptoms do persist, please consult your mental advisor. _

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Chapter 1 : _Oh hell no._

It was already eleven in the evening when a huge chunk of rain came pouring down, it was to be expected anyway since the morning and the afternoon before that was awfully hot, the kind of hot in which you'd be sweating all over the place, drooling over a new Gucci male calendar model, and the kind of hot that made your pits cry out sweat too , yeah, it was _that_ kind of hot.

I stood up from the computer, taking a break from my nightly regime, that is, staying up late most of the time scrolling down my tumblr dashboard and squealing over new pictures of my delicious husband, Tom. Heh, okay, I was kinda exaggerating that a bit, but it's not like every sixteen year old like me gets to meet him anyway, so basically, it's in our nature to presume or _pretend_, so to speak, that this one hell of a sexy man was_ our_ husband. Tom Hiddleston is practically partly responsible for every woman's sexual frustration, and I wasn't ashamed to admit that I, Patricia Page, was one of them.

The internet connection was awfully slow too, so I guessed that it might be a sign for me to stand up and get my lazy ass off of the chair. There were several things that I still had to prepare for tonight, first was I had to go and replace my water jug with fresh water ( yes, it's tap water if you're wondering) and place it in the freezer, I preferred to chug down cold beverages when I'm feeling thirsty. Second, I was going to choose my gym outfit for tomorrow, and choose an extra shirt and bra for me to change into right after I was finished working out. Hey, my body doesn't burn fat on it's own you know, and if I was going to eat a lot of good food this summer, then I'd have to make up for it by regularly working out, even if it meant having muscle pains and what not. Last but not the least, I was going to prepare my fare for tomorrow's transport fee, and then I'd place it all inside my plain(but comfy) backpack and set it on top of our family's living room couch. Most of the time, I tend to be really forgetful, so I set things in place by preparing them early, I refuse to bathe in shame for a simple mistake, like for instance, a good example of this would be foolishly forgetting my change of shirt and bra and then I'd have to go all the way home, avoiding people like they had some sort of virus, just so I could save myself from the shame of smelling like an old and unwashed pair of gym socks (and by which I also happened to experience the summer before, and trust me, it wasn't great at all).

And so, as I made my way back to my room, content that I'd finished preparing everything in place when suddenly, a huge and loud boom scared the -pardon my next words, _living shit,_ out of me (you'll get used to my choice of flowery words sooner or later). I nearly choke out a scream but thinking that waking my parents in the dead of the night, wasn't probably a good idea since I'd plan to be all discreet and quiet like a ninja, so I held it there, stuck in my throat, I'd save it for some scary shit later. My parents would flip like hell knowing that I was still wide awake, tip-toeing my way all over the hall when I already gave them the impression that I was already fast asleep and tucked away in my favorite night jammies and in my favorite Avengers blanky (and no, I will not tell you that I'd bought it on sale last Christmas, and that I furiously fucking fought my way out of the bloody hell of a crowd if you ask me, and it was not a _pretty _sight, I tell you.)

Thinking that it might be a tree that fell down, probably because of a huge gush of wind, I continued my way back into my room. I checked my computer again, and found myself disappointed that I was never going to enjoy my night, knowing that my internet connection was crawling like a turtle, just like our previous pet, Ba-o (don't ask me about the name, I don't have anything to do with it.) who crawled for probably .0001 miles per second, and no I wasn't exaggerating the last part, he later died though, and it was very _very_ tragic. My (insert sarcasm here.) _oh-so angelic_ dad , decided that Ba-o's pail (Or home bucket which I liked to call.) needed some good ole' cleaning and so he moved him into a large aluminum basin. And on the very same tragic day, the temperature was hotter compared to the usual, but my dad forgot filling up the aluminum basin with water and he also absent-mindedly left it out under the heat of the sun out on our open backyard, so I'm guessing that you all probably knew what happened next. Given with my already deep sun-fried turtle, (I'm sorry this might sound absolutely gory, skip this part if you hold onto some animal feels) my dad was freaking out, he didn't want to make his lil' girl cry,(And that girl was me of course.), so he did the unthinkable, he scraped the dead turtle(ew) out of it's shell, and threw it onto God knows where. (I feel like crying again.), and left the remaining shell out in the open, he thought that he could deceive me somehow, since I'd spent most of my childhood watching either Bugs Bunny or Looney toons, and other famous classic cartoons. Assuming that I had the mentality that turtles wore their shells like normal clothing, just like in the ones in the cartoons, he was pretty confident that I wouldn't find out, but nooo, I did find out though. Once, I'd read a book that showed an illustration, showing a turtle's spine connected to the shell itself. And given with the gruesome situation, I cried my eyes out, and for days, I locked myself in my room, watching anything but cartoons and never not talked to my dad. He pretty much deserved it though. My dad was pretty much was responsible for the numerous deaths of my pets throughout my entire life (unintentionally though but yeah) and so, I decided that if I wanted to save my future pets from the brink of death (which was my dad itself) I'd have to drop the idea of taking care of one,(I had to admit, I suck at taking care of them though.) so there you have it, an inside-exclusive view at my horrific pets' pasts.

Okay, enough with my past childhood pet tragedies, where was I ? Oh yeah, so, with the net connection all slow and all, I decided that it might be best to shut the computer down and might as well hit the sack early, since I'd be an early riser tomorrow. But before hitting the sack, I made sure to lock my room's door first before taking all of my clothes down, I liked to sleep only with my panties on since my room temperature could might as well pass as that of a Siberian desert's already, even with the rain all pouring down.

Putting some blanket over my semi-nude body (I didn't want to be responsible for anyone living in the house having a heart attack.), I shut the light switch off with my slipper and off I went into Lala-land.

My phone vibrated mercilessly, waking me up a little bit. I stopped the alarm feature that indicated that it was already four A.M sharp, early in the morning. I groaned a little bit before closing my eyes for a few minutes, I still hadn't enjoyed the idea of waking early in the morning. The gravitational pull off my bed was so strong, but I managed to swing my legs up and sit my self right into the edge of the bed. I rubbed my eyes a few times before adjusting to the dark surroundings of my room. I groggily stood up and faced my bed, I folded the Avengers blanket neatly on top of my pillow before grabbing a red and thick cotton bath robe to hide my nudeness. I grabbed my shampoo and conditioner (I didn't trust the shampoo and conditioner thieves in our house, I would _always _find my bottle half-empty whenever I'd leave it inside our bathroom.) before heading out of my room. When I got outside, I was welcomed by an eerily dark hallway that faced our family living room and lead to our dining room and kitchen at the end of the hall. Walking in my worn-out slippers, I slowly made my way to the bathroom, just before the kitchen. Once I got inside, I placed the shampoo and conditioner on top of the sink before heading out again, I turned the pitcher-shaped water heater on and soon found myself almost slipping on a small container of mini-ice cream cup on the floor. I examined it suspiciously, who would leave something like that lying out on the floor so irresponsibly ? I slowly bent down and picked it up before throwing it onto the non-biodegradable bin my mother sorted out for us. My mom was very keen on waste management so we had no other choice rather than to follow her orders, we called her the "General" of our house. Once I finished throwing the cup, I lazily opened the fridge, only to find my leftover _Champorado _missing. I frowned for a while, my asshole brother must have eaten it _again_ in the middle of the night, I decided that I'd deal with him later. Sighing, I closed the fridge in frustration, there was nothing good to eat. I groaned at thought of having instant oatmeal drink as my temporary breakfast again. I grabbed the instant sachet from the cupboard and ripped it, dropping it's contents onto my favorite Captain America mug. I poured a small amount of hot water in it, and added some cold water after. I stirred it's contents. When the drink was thoroughly mixed, I took a small sips from it. And right on time, just as I was finished chugging all the drink down, the water heater hissed violently before automatically turning itself off. I slowly filled my used cup with water before placing it on top of the kitchen sink. I slowly got the water heater and pulled the plug out before draining all of it's hot contents out onto bath-tub and once it was all poured out, I slowly lifted the faucet, on, making cold water run onto the tub, slowly filling it to it's brim. I never quite liked the idea of taking a cold bath early in the morning, I mean, seriously, the morning air itself was already damn cold, why bathe in cold water too ? Putting the heater back on it's rightful place, I went inside the bathroom and clicked the lock shut. Slowly unwrapping myself out of the robe, I slowly tip-toed my way onto the tub, dipping a small portion of my right foot to test if the water temperature was okay. Satisfied, I slowly went in and bathed my self in peace.

When I was finished bathing, I unplugged the tub drain before stepping out. The cold air chilled me to my bones, and I quickly wrapped my robe tighter around me, my hair was still damp but nevertheless, it was okay since it was wrapped in a towel. Making my way back to the room, I quickly shut the door lock in place before doing all my daily feminine rituals. If I wasn't born with any jaw-dropping beauty then I might as well have some good personal hygiene right ? It was the least I can do for myself. I was just a plain person, nothing really special, but sometimes, people would compliment my eyes, sure, I didn't have any special eye color though, it was just plain black, like deep raven black, there wasn't even any hint of brown present to it . But it was their exotic shape and thick lashes that had people going. I also knew that I possessed some slight Asian eye shape though I had double eye-lids to pair with them and I was thankful for that. They were also framed by a thick set of heavy dark lashes that pretty much didn't need any swipe of mascara on them anymore, plus, I was going for the natural look anyways. Some guys would even compliment me about my eyes and that made me feel good somehow. My biggest insecurity was my nose, though it wasn't large, bumpy or awfully wide, It was slightly flat compared to a regular nose, and I also didn't possess any prominent bridge at all, which made it worse, making my nose appear slightly prominent, though it was only second to my eyes, and I was also thankful for that too. I also had a skin texture that wasn't really exactly the same as a newborn baby's. Hey, what do you expect ? Ever since I'd entered the adolescent age, things were more harder than they usually were, all these raging female hormones, the monthly periods, huge cravings and out-of-hand appetites weren't really a flattering bundle at all.

I'd already finished fixing myself, and I slipped on into a pair of jogging pants and a v-neck t-shirt as my gym outfit for the day. I unlocked the door, and went out of my room. As I slowly walked my way towards the hall, I heard a faint noise coming from above. And as I slowly got nearer to the kitchen, the noise slightly grew louder. I stopped at my tracks and listened more carefully. The noise had come from above, my future in-the-making room. I slowly made my way towards the stairs in a few small steps. One step at a time, I tried to not make any sound as I made my way up a single flight of stairs. Reaching the top floor, I found some mud tracks on the floor that lead to the door of my future room. I panicked for a moment, thinking that a burglar might be present at my house, I thought of calling out to my parents but by judging the painful grunts coming from the other side of the door, I was guessing that the intruder might be injured. I glanced around and it was good thing that the place was still slightly messy, so metal pieces and poles were scattered all around. Grabbing a nearby metal pole, I slowly and quietly walked towards the door, the pole within my grasps as I took a defensive stance while walking towards the door. The grunts were now louder, and each grunt made my heart beat faster with fear and anticipation, I grasped the metal tighter with my right hand as I slowly pushed the door open with my left hand, it was a good thing that the temporary door wasn't locked and I figured that the intruder might have forgotten to lock it out of haste and so I continued to slowly open it.

I found myself nearly fainting at what I saw.

Tom Hiddleston was in the room in clad metal armor and leather clothing that I quickly recognized to which character he portrayed, belonged to . He was on the old wooden bed, leaning on the wall, and his left hand seemed to be tightly clutching his right arm. He seemed to be in great pain as his face seemed to look really _really _pale, his raven black hair was a mess, and he was slightly sweating too . I clutched the metal in my right hand tightly, afraid that it might fall and crash on the floor, thus causing a huge noise that would result in awakening every living person in the house. I clamped my other free left hand over my mouth, still in great shock at what I saw.

Tom- no, Loki – no, Tom , I had no idea who he was exactly at the moment, looked up and faced me in a grim expression. He didn't smile or anything. He just simply stared at me. And I would definitely recognize that expression and what it'd mean.

This man absolutely wasn't Tom Hiddleston. Sure, Tom could act greatly but this face showed nothing of the Tom Hiddleston I knew in , Movies and Interviews. Tom could never send me this chilling vibe. I was sure of that. And why would Tom appear out of nowhere, when in fact, he is recently filming his latest movie right now, and I was definitely sure that it wasn't anything Marvel-related in any way.

Nope, this man, looking at me right now, wasn't definitely and absolutely not Tom Hiddleston.

This man was Loki.

Loki Laufeyson was in my house.

I had an internal scream going on my head. My fangirling seemed to lose control. And why wouldn't it be ? For heaven's sake ! Loki is in my house ! He is on my brother's goddamn old wooden bed, and he is goddamn sitting across in front of me. And he is goddamn making my ovaries explode with both sexual and mental frustration.

And just as I was about to open my mouth, to say something, he gave me a very mischievous grin. I quickly closed my mouth and tensed.

_Fuck a duck. _

He is _real_.

_Shitty shit shit. _

_Loki is real__._


	2. A Deal with the Trickster

Every Mentally Sane Girl's Guide to Baby –sitting a Norse God.

a/n : hehe, you might encounter some phrases that are popular in tumblr, and I'd thought that they were really funny to add in, and so here it is, chapter 2 baby !

p.s. : Unbeta'd and all mistakes belong to me. All the outrageousness of this story too.

I don't own Loki nor any Marvel-related things in my story, I only own my OC and the plot.

Enjoy reading EMSGGBNG !

Warning : contains some peanuts and strong languages, I advice those who are sensitive with flowery words should stay away from this story and pretend that you never came across it.

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_EMSGGBNG_ _Entry #1 : Meeting your God._

_When Norse Gods do magically appear out of nowhere, it'll be most likely that you're going to face a tantrum-induced one. And when you do, get ready for the __"__All of you are beneath me. I am a God" yadda yadda speech, it'll probably take a while for your Norse God to "shut the hell up", but if you do want to speed up the process, try shutting him/her up with a good 'ole smacking speech. Anything that points to his/her weakness is a great plus. _

* * *

"Holy shit!" I cursed in a low tone as I kept my gaze at Loki. Apparently, Loki seemed to have not understood my choice of flowery words as he lifted a dark brow back at me.

Loki started to shift a little and I quickly panicked, my reflexes sparked to life as I held the metal in my hands, lifting them in the air and using them as a weapon to defend myself from this utterly gorgeous God.

"Don't move ! " I exclaimed to him as he quickly stopped shifting and looked at me straight in the eye. It would be an awful lie if I told you that I hadn't shivered when he'd done that .

Quickly regaining my composure, I started moving my feet."I-I mean s-stay where y-you a-are!" I continued as I slowly approached him. With each step, I could feel my hands shake with fear. And when I was only a feet away from him, I tried to gather up all of my energy to stand straightly before him, I didn't want to let him see me scared, it'll only make things a hella lot worse for me.

Damn. I knew one thing for sure that Loki was still gorgeous and beautiful even in his current state, but the way his face held a painful expression as he started to shift again, bothered me terribly. I noticed a faint trail of dried blood coming down from his arm, there's was no way nobody could not have noticed that. The large ripped portion of his clothing on his arm made it very obvious.

Concerned as I was, I quickly forgot about the imminent threat of my safety as I bent down a little bit and reached for his right arm to have a look at it. He quickly swiped it away as I was able to make a little bit of contact with him, he then gave me a deadly glare after.

I gave out a little sigh of breath as I slowly placed my poor choice of weapon down to the unfinished and cemented floor. I raised my arms at him, mimicking the act of defeat.

"Calm down, I just want to a look at it." I started to shake my hands in the air. " See, no weapon. I won't hurt you so just— chill, okay ?" I tried to give him my most assuring tone, I had only hoped it worked.

And as if my prayer had been answered, his features started to soften a little, but he still kept his defensive stance on.

"Okay, I'm now going to touch your hand— " God, it felt like talking to a three-year old. "—And have a look at your arm, okay ?" I slowly grabbed his injured arm with my left hand and rolled the damaged sleeve with my right hand, he winced in pain as I did this but I knew he tried to keep a brave face on but his efforts only failed him.

I felt my stomach turn into a knot. The wound proved to be very deep and painful too. It stretched from his shoulder down to elbow. Even with the dried blood still present on it, I could still see fresh blood oozing from the wound. He must have had a nasty fight to earn this wound.

"Oh. Tsk tsk . It looks really bad—" I twisted it slowly, further examining the gash thoroughly. "—It needs to be cleaned." I kept my head low, it was hard enough for me to touch him without squealing like a maniac, let alone look him in the eyes. Our faces were also a few inches apart by the way.

He never spoke and as I continued to examine his arm, a few lines formed on his beautiful faceand he tried his best not to show them, but judging from the few slight flinches he did whenever I came across to accidentally touch a bruised part of his arm, not knowing which parts exactly, the effort to put on the mask of bravery still did him no good .

_Puny God._

Unconsciously, I giggled in my place, and that was enough to catch his attention. I vaguely remembered the scene in the Avengers in which Hulk effortlessly threw Loki around like a rag doll, though Loki's blank and shock expression after that was the funniest. It was my favorite part of the movie too.

_Whoops. Better keep my mouth shut._ And I hastily did so. I didn't want to provoke any God undergoing PMS right now. And dealing with Bitchy Gods (even if they're male) aren't really my kind of field to do so, staying quiet might be the most reasonable thing to do right now. Especially when you're dealing with a grumpy Norse God at that too.

Peering underneath from my dark and thick set of eyelashes, I found him glaring at me. Well, I should have expected that from him anyway. Heck, if I found anybody giggling about something when I was there, helpless and wounded, I'd be offended as hell too. I gave no specific attention to his deadly glares (even if they were, literally. ) , but instead, I found myself wondering why the famous Silvertongue  
hasn't spoken a single word yet.  
And that's when I'd finally noticed it. When I examined his face closely (for uh, better understanding) , I'd noticed a faint trace of an almost-invisible thread stitched up within the two lips of his mouth.

_What the heck. Who stitches mouths nowadays ? _ But then, I'd also realized that Loki had to serve his punishment in Asgard right ? Surely, they'd been disappointed with his wrongdoings, but seriously ? Stitching up his mouth ? Was that really necessary ? Poor guy, he has already been through a lot of depressing things, and though he might have had made poor decisions in his existence, stitching up his this guy's mouth was really too much, in my _mortal_ opinion, of course.

And as if my thoughts had control over my mouth, I'd also blurted out the same reaction I'd thought earlier.

"What the heck !" I exclaimed at him, and he suddenly backed away either in defense or pure shock at my sudden outburst. I quickly cupped my mouth with my two hands, suddenly letting go of his arm, making him squeak a little bit in pain . _Oh shit !_ In a softer tone, I apologized to him, "Shit ! I'm so sorry ! I didn't mean do to that ! Oh God, are you okay ? Does it hurt ? " I tried to poke his injured but he managed to swiftly pull it away, leaving my pointed finger hanging awkwardly in the air.

Feeling really _awkward_, I reclaimed my lonely finger , hanging in the air from further embarrassment. Still, I was stunned at how cruel an Asgardian punishment could be. I took a mental note in my mind, not to get to this guy's bad side, or I'd be the star of his dinner meal someday.

Loki seemed to be annoyed at my sudden burst of questions, so I relaxed and inhaled slowly before letting out a big sigh. "Again, really, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drop your arm —" I paused, trying to find the right words. "—so, um, would you mind if I left you for a bit ? I'll just go get something…" I trailed off, as Loki's glare bore into me. "W-wait ! No ! I didn't mean to leave you or harm you or anything, I'll just go back down and grab a First-Aid kit, I mean we can't have your wound, exposed like that, or else it'll get infected, plus—" I stopped, motioning a finger to my mouth. "— w-we might need to do s-something about that too, I guessing that you're _dying _ to open that… r- right ?" I stopped and hoped that my last choice of words didn't offend him . Hey ! I'm just trying to be a good Samaritan here !

He tensed for awhile, he hadn't stopped with the glaring yet. I'm guessing that he was probably searching for truth in my voice, I only hoped he'd found it. _Fast._

I slowly got up, my knees went stiff for awhile from all the crouching I just did. Loki never left his gaze at me. When I'd finally managed to stand straight, my eyes went down first to the metal pole I'd dropped to the floor earlier, while I tended to Loki. He then gave me a knowing look and I assured him by raising my arms and shaking my hands defiantly in the air, giving him the message that I'd do him no harm.

As I made my way down the flight of stairs, leaving a wounded Loki behind, I went to search for the kit in the hall. Luckily, I managed to spot the box quickly, and so, I hastily grabbed all the things I needed to tend to Loki's wounded arm (and ego, if possible) . Shoving them all in a small plastic container, in which I'd managed to grab earlier, I quickly took a spare change of clothes that were left in the open (there was this pile of clothes that needed some ironing.) and by which they'd also belonged to my brother. I chose a black shirt and a slightly fitting pair of pants for Loki to change into. I also managed to remember to grab a sterile set of medical scissors as I quickly made my way back up.

I locked the temporary door of the room before settling down next to him. I made him scoot a little, to set aside a space in between for us.

"Okay, reindeer games, here's a change of clothes —" I piled the clothes neatly before him. "—and a first-aid kit. " I told him as I set the first-aid supplies between us. "But first things first , we need to cut the thread that's keeping you from talking, so if you would. " I grabbed the sterile pair of scissors I'd managed to get earlier and motioned him to come closer to me, well, his face actually. And to my surprise, he did, I half-expected him to glare at me for commanding him and half-expected him to refuse too. When we were back to having our faces, only a few inches apart, I quickly backed away, inhaling deeply, my need for a fresh air was a priority when it came to being face-to-face with the most beautiful man I'd ever met in the whole stinking face of the Earth.

_Okay, you can do this. Just cut them slowly, and wala ! you're done in a jiffy. _I faced him back again, and raised my hand with the scissors in it. I gently raised the pair to his mouth and he eyed me cautiously. If I fucked up now then I'd be dead meat in a jiffy too. I searched the possible painless portions of his mouth where the thread were. And when I'd managed to find my first target, I slowly, raised the scissor to cut the thread, making sure that it would not hurt him in the least possible way. Even the slightest mistake could mean a lot. When the last had already been cut, I slowly tugged on the slightly bloody thread from his mouth, I've made various cuts so, it made the job easier and less painful for him. And when the last piece was already pulled out, I placed them in a tissue, crumpling it after and set it on the space between us.

"So, we've managed to cut them out, tell me, how do you feel ? " I asked him as I set the used medical scissors down and looked at him carefully in the eyes.

" . . . Better, I suppose. " He says slowly, still being cautious. He rubbed his jaw with his uninjured hand and opened his mouth slowly, trying to get used to feeling .

And I swear to Chris Evan's delicious abs and Tom Hiddleston's pretty face, Loki had the most sexiest tone of voice I'd ever heard in my entire lame existence. It was like pure sex itself, only in the form of sound waves.

"A-ah , r-really." I managed to say in what sounded like a squeak. Damn ! Nothing could compare to hearing Loki's voice in real life and seeing him in flesh do so too ! I'd never thought this glorious day would come !

Loki eyed me suspiciously before giving his own reply. " Don't get too much of yourself, you petty mortal. " He had a tone of disgust when he'd said the last word.

Wow, now he was being a _dick_. Seriously.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Has anyone ever taught you to say 'Thank You' ?" I told him as my expression and mood went from star-stuck to pure annoyance and dislike for this "God" before me.

He laughed for a while. "I'm a God, why should I ever offer my thanks to low creatures like you ? You were made to served, and serve me you did. It is only fair and just that I treat you this way. You deserve no more than any recognition. Your species were made to be ruled. "

Huh, so this dick really had some balls attached to it. Well, let's see if he'll survive another day with a wound like that. Fine, I won't fucking treat that for him then. I won't even fucking serve him too, sure, he might be the _great _Loki, and he might be in front of me too, but there's was no way I'll let myself become a slave to him. No one rules over me. I do what I want after all.

"Well, your _majesty_ — " I spat out to him, a tone of disgust attached with the last word. "—If you're so 'Godly' and goddamn 'above us all' as you presume, then why don't you fucking treat that wound for yourself. I do not submit to anyone, not even to my mother, so why should I with you ? You're just a fucking stranger who intruded my home with no reasonable excuse. I was just trying to help you, does it really fucking hurt your pride so much, to even mutter a 'Thank You'? " I continued, as heat rose up to my cheeks, heating and flushing them with extreme anger. I was so annoyed by his ego— his presence too. And it was as if his ego got him _somewhere_. _Well, did it ?_

I started to get up but I'd also thought of a good thing to say to back him too. Somebody needed too, apart from all the some hate-feels I had for him when I'd watch the movie, this guy needed a good lashing once in a while. Well, I now understand why they'd stitch his mouth up. " And for your information, your _almighty-fucking lordship_, did that pride get you any good ? Did it take you _somewhere_? Has it gotten you anything at all ? " I now managed to stand straight even with my fuming rage. "Look at you, you're just as pathetic-looking as we are right now—the low creatures you speak of, you're no more than above them, you're on the same ground as we are right now, the only difference is—" I shot a dirty and annoyed look at him." I'm standing, and you're sitting, looking pathetic, as you'll ever be." I started to move away from, making my way towards the door. "Once you're done, please leave as soon as you can, or I'll have to report you." I say to him without looking behind. My hand was already on the knob, prying to twist it open when I heard him say something.

". . . You. "

I spun around, not clearly hearing what he'd said. "What ? " I spat out to him. My anger still had me on my wits' end.

" I said. . ." He pauses for minute, looking unsure of what to say. ". . .Thank . . . you. . ." He croaks out, but nevertheless, he'd managed to make some eye contact with me as he said this.

I looked at him, he looked flustered and I enjoyed it. The great Loki, finally, thanking a _petty _little _human_ like me. _How sweet._ Just the thought of it, gives me cavities.

I smiled now, I can't hide the amusement etched on my face, as I made a huge grin at him, clearly enjoying the moment. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, the douchebag-ness you're giving off is polluting the clean air around here and it's clogging my ears too, so, you were saying ?" My tone of amusement never ceased as I finished my statement.

"Frustrating little creature you are . . ." He pauses. Wow and he still has the nerve to say that ? " I said, 'Thank You'." He finally manages to say out loud (but not too loud) to me. I smiled at him. Did I just hear him correctly ? or are my ears playing tricks on me ? What ? He _is_ the God of Mischief after all, _anything _is possible.I grinned widely at him. "And if I refuse to accept your _words of great and honest appreciation_ ?" I mutter back at him, my anger, depleting slowly as it was now replaced with amusement. Look at him. Isn't he adorable when his not being a dick at all ?

He grinned back at me, catching my amusement. "Your loss." He says as he anticipates for my reply.

Deciding to give up, and that this conversation will only lead nowhere. I replied him back, "Fine. Just stop being a dick, and lay off your _douche-ness _ for a while your _highness_. " I mocked him as I made my way back to the place where I'd sat before.

Though he didn't reply, his eyes lit up with amusement as I sat back down in front of him . I motioned him to give his arm to me as I tended to it.

"What's funny ? " I asked him, not looking up, earlier, I heard a snicker coming from him. I focused on tending the wound on his arm but a light conversion wouldn't hurt._ Would it ?_

"I find you . . . amusing. " He says and I don't reply back, instead I grinned while I continued to tend to his wound, gaining a few flinches here and there. " Your rather intriguing and . . .feisty for a midgardian with a small mouth. . . " He continues when I still hadn't replied him.

I look up to him when I finished cleaning the wound, I'd also finished preparing the supplies I needed to disinfect and stitch the huge gash on his arm.

Though he didn't say anything when I looked right at him, still, I saw right through him, I knew that he still had something more to say than that.

I grinned at him as I now went back to focus my attention and gaze at his wound, disinfecting it. He made some noises and grunts as I did this, I could have cared any less though.

So, perhaps, it was my time to take the info out of him. I sighed "What do you want Loki, clearly you aren't faring well with hiding stuff, you're bad at it." I say to him as I earned another grunt from him.

He sighed as he spoke. "Midgardian, I have a proposition to make."

I jerked up my head in surprise as I stopped tending to his wounds, I was intrigued, what had God of Mischief had in mind right now ?

I laughed. "You're proposing now ? We still haven't said our 'I Love You's' yet." I joked at him, yet he looked annoyed, clearly not amused by my suggestion. Well, _it is _ Loki after all.

Ignoring what I'd said, he continued. "I require shelter, nourishment and security, as what I've said before, you are still a petty creature no matter what, it is onl—"

I stopped him with a hand before he could continue. " Wait a minute there _dude_, first thing first, you go on demanding stuff from me, when you haven't asked me what I have to say about this ?" I flailed my arms midway around shoulders, gesturing to the entire scene before us. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but I was sure as hell that I needed to know my place in all of the things happening now.

He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. "You've got nothing to say on—"He pauses while he uses his other free hand to mimic me, motioning to the scene before us. "_This_." Well, I didn't find it amusing either. " As what I've said, you are just a petty human, made to serv—"

With my other free hand, I cupped his mouth, not too tightly, I was afraid that I might injure his mouth wounds further if I pressed harder, not that I was concerned or anything, but it would mean an additional job too.

"Okay, I've got enough with your '_I'm above you all' _crap." I paused and let go of my hand from his mouth when I've finally gained his attention. " Well, there's one thing I'd like to know though." I say as I looked at him with dark eyes. I decided to continue tending to his wound, the sooner I finish, the better.

He raised his eyebrows in question, flinching slightly from the pain. "And that is ?"

"What's in it for me ?" I say back as I shot a desperate look at him. " I mean, Loki, I have a _life_, just incase you were wondering, now, I know you have some _daddy issues_ and all, but still. . . and by the way, I can't just hide you here forever you know, sooner or later, my parent's will find out, especially with all the food missing and me being really really weird and all. " I said to him with a worried look. I'd almost forgotten about my parents. How would they react to this ? Would they believe what they see right away ? Would they have heart attacks too ? Worry and doubt washed over me completely.

"Well, we could _eradicate _them." He says casually.

As Dr. Bruce Banner would have said it_. "Loki has a brain like a bag full of cats."_

Well, I won't disagree on that one.

I sighed and gave him a look. "_Loki._"

He frowned. "Well, I was just merely giving a helpful suggestion." He says as he shrugged his shoulders at me. _Was this guy for real ? _

I sighed in defeat, not knowing how to deal with him anymore. "Okay, fine, I don't know for how long I can keep you here, but I'll try, and when the time comes, that I can't handle any of this anymore. You will leave. Understood? " I say to him with a knowing look, I only hoped that my message had seeped right through his brain. _If he had one._

I'd finished tending to his wound, now I was wrapping a bandage around it, I didn't want any infection to come near it. It'll only mean more work. And I _hate_ work.

"One more thing." I tell him as I finished wrapping the bandage in place. I jerked my head up to look at him.

He raised an eyebrow at me this time.

"You'll do anything I want you to do okay? Even if that means that it'll hurt your_ sorry-ass ego and pride_." I said to him with a serious tone, wanting him to catch up on that.

He started to protest but then I held my hand again to stop him .

"Take it or leave it—" I pause, grinning. "If you don't, it'll be your _loss._" I feel like winning on this one. Loki, you are so _owned_.

He eyed me warily for a moment before letting out a huge sigh.

"Fine, if that's what the petty midgardian wants, then I will adhere to it." He finally agrees. It felt good to own him, even for once.

Grinning happily I extended my hand to him, motioning him to shake it, and he eyed me as he did.

I shook his other free hand with glee and uncontrollable excitement. Loki still eyed me with suspicion. Now, I finally had Loki at my fingertips. (insert maniacal villain laugh here.)

After a while, we ended the shake, with the feeling of satisfaction (well, mostly, for me though), meaning that we've finally sealed the deal. I grinned at him again.

"Well slam me in my tender butthole sir you've just got yourself a deal."


	3. The God of Mischief versus Cheetos

a/n : Thank you for all the love and support ! *Throws stray, unfed and sexy Lokis at you guys*

p.s. : Unbeta'd and all mistakes belong to me. All the outrageousness of this story too.

I don't own Loki nor any Marvel-related things in my story, I only own my OC and the plot.

Enjoy reading EMSGGBNG !

Warning : contains some peanuts and strong languages, I advice those who are sensitive with flowery words should stay away from this story and pretend that you never came across it.

* * *

Chapter 3 : The God of Mischief versus Cheetos.

_EMSGGBNG_ _Entry #2 : The Care and Feeding of Your Stray Norse God._

_As expected, you'll be inclined to take care, feed and still listen to all the crap your Norse God will be giving you for the next few days. Their diet mainly consists of regular lashing and race discrimination to your species, stroking their ego, and your mother's homemade pudding. _

* * *

I spent the past few days taking care and tending to Loki's wound ever since he'd arrived. We've made a brief introduction of ourselves after making the deal. I made him a decent living space by using the spare pillows, comforters and blankets I had in my closet. Loki paid no attention really, though sometimes he'd complain of the boredom and he'd vent it all out at me. _Well, I'm not the one who's all knocked up here right ?_ And as the following days passed by, Loki's wound gradually looked better compared to its initial state before.

Sneaking around while carrying food was really harder than I'd thought it would be. There was even a time in which my brother almost caught me one night, clutching a Tupperware with my Mom's pudding in the middle of the night. You're probably wondering what's wrong with me being caught with pudding right ? Well, the sad thing was, I absolutely, tremendously, horribly (emphasis on the next word please.) _hate_ my mom's pudding. It made my stomach sad, and I personally liked my stomach happy, thank you. I'd managed to slip away from my brother's suspicious looks by coming up with a really _really _ bad excuse, though miraculously, it worked. And I can't even find a logical reason to explain_ why_.

Today was already the seventh day of Loki's _surprise visit_ to my house. And what a troublesome and annoying surprise it was, _indeed_. Despite all that, I felt pretty proud of myself, you know ? It ain't easy to keep a _bitchy_ God and keep him dehydrated and well fed in a house with alert and prying eyes present everywhere. I'd also managed to change the door knob of the temporary door of Loki's "room" to keep my pesky family from knowing what lies behind the damn door. I made Loki keep a spare key for him and the other for me to use, I'd also remind him to lock the door regularly when I was away. Though personally, I didn't think it _that_ necessary. My dad was a travelling journalist for some big-hit industry, so it meant that he'd only come home rarely, and when he did, he'd spend a full week being with us, to make up for the lost time, and honestly, it didn't bother me at all, he was a good man and I loved him, he was the best father I could ever have. My dad was also paid a ridiculously large amount of salary for his job, which was odd, since as far as I knew, journalists only made so little, but I didn't question him anyway and his income was more than enough to feed our family, I only felt grateful for that. On the other hand, my mom was your average and regular housewife, she took care of us, cooked our meals, and was there for us whenever my brother and I had some problems in dealing the real life. She also used up most of her free time, volunteering at numerous charity events, helping the community deal with outrageous shit, and cooking and baking too (which wasn't bad at all, except for her pudding, well, that was another story) thus, she'd only come home home to fix us our meals, needs and other stuff whatnots and then she would go off with her other bff's (the crazies, widowers single moms, etc. you know them) to assemble in their teeny, tiny, little club, better known as the 'Sexually Frustrated Housewives' or SFC as I would like to call it. And as for my brother, he was already twenty-eight years old leaving a huge age gap in between me and him, and though he was old enough to deal with his own problems, he would still come to me to ask for advice, and I was already willing enough to give him some. My bro was a NEET, which also meant that he spent most of his time, coped up in his own room. He rarely comes out though, he's pretty much considered a nocturnal creature (like me! )but when he does, you'd expect him to party all night and sleep all day after his great escapade.

I was now seating beside Loki, eating a large bag of Cheesy Cheetos as watched the large T.V play America's Next Top Model while seated on the stylish but comfy couch in the living room. We both decided to chill out from his "bloody damn prison" by which also happened to be my unfinished future room. Dad had already left a few days ago to resume his work while Mom traveled to the countryside to attend some crazy lady convention (and I don't want to even know what it was about), for a few weeks and my brother was now also busy crashing himself at his friend's place while our parents were away.  
And it all came down to me and Loki, owning the house for albeit while the grown-ups were away.

Loki took a few scoops of his homemade pudding (one word : ew) before complaining about how ridiculous each contender looked at their photo shoots, he would shamelessly complain about how extreme thin most of them looked.

He swallowed another scoop (in a sexy manner) of pudding with his uninjured arm before speaking.

"I'd always know you petty mortals to be fools one way or another." He paused while taking another scoop again. God, how can he can make any horrible food look delicious while he just simply _ate it_ ? Really, that was so _unfair_.

"But it has always piqued my attention at how incredibly low and stupid you all were, and this just proves it well enough." He says while pointing his spoon to the television. I stared at him while his attention was on the large screen. Would his hair be as silky as how it had appeared to be ? I wondered for a moment before Loki called my name out to grab my attention.

I narrowed my eyes before throwing a few of my Cheesy Cheetos at him. He tried to dodge, but given with his current state, I didn't think it was possible.

His eyes were now wide at shock as he gave me a snarl. "How dare you mortal to throw foul things at me ! " He exclaimed but I found it terribly amusing and so, I only gave him a good and loud laugh.

I laughed as I wiped a tear welling up from my eye, this was way too much.

"And you want to rule over these '_stupid fools' ?" _ I say with mockery present in my voice, I can only say it didn't please him as much as it did to me.

He glared at me as he set his spoon on the now-empty plate where the pudding was before.

"I was made to _rule. _To be a _king_, and therefore, I shall fix these damned ways your people have grown accustomed to and with that I shall build a new kingdom, because in the end, you all will always kneel —" He looked and gave me the creepy grin he was so famous for. "—to me. " He continued, still having that creepy grin plastered to his face. Even with him, making a valiant effort trying to get me to 'succumb' to him, I didn't feel threatened by his words or presence anymore, instead, I found myself growing rather fond of his company, I'd even enjoyed interrupting him while he made his '_I was made to rule'_ speech crap.

I threw another set of Cheesy Cheetos at him.

He glared and growled at me this time and I just simply laughed back at his face. Hah. Take that you narcissistic douche.

"Are you really trying to provoke me ? Do you not know your plac—" He stopped as a loud buzzing sound, accompanied by my Justin Timberlake's 'Suit and Tie' ringtone echoed throughout the room.

Loki looked surprised, and even more as I fished out my smart phone from pocket of my cargo pants.

I gave him a finger, telling him to shush his mouth while I took a call from my friend. He followed but didn't look happy when he did so.

I held up the phone to my ear. "Yo Jake, what's the sitch ?" I call out, earning a raised eyebrow from Loki.

I only held out my tongue to him.

"Such unacceptable manners for a lady, Tsk tsk." He shakes his head in disbelief before giving me another grin.

"Shut up." I shot back to Loki.

"Excuse me ?" Jake's voice called over from the phone.

"Oh sorry, J, It wasn't meant for you." I apologized to him through the phone. At the corner of my eye, I found Loki grabbing the remote and flipping through the channels, he looked really bored.

"It's cool. Uh hey, about the movies—" Jake starts through the phone, I wondered why he sounded sad though. Jake, Emily, Emily's boyfriend, Nash and I decided to go for a movie this coming Friday. It was my idea, to celebrate the couple's 'Finally Getting Hooked Up Together' moment. Emily, my only best female bud had been recently drooling over Nash for quite some time now, and she'd managed to shock Jake and I, with the great news of her and Nash, finally being a couple. Over time, Jake and I worried over Emily, we thought that it would end up as a nasty case of one-sided love for her, but eventually we were proved wrong.

"Yeah ? What about it ?" I say casually over phone while chewing the Cheetos in my mouth. Loki still paid no attention to me, and it seemed that he'd found some interest over something playing on the T.V. . It was none other than the _Wildlife Channel_ featuring _Penguins roam in groups_ in the Antartic ice. Loki looked really adorable and I stared at him (again) for a bit before diverting my attention back to Jake on the phone.

I could hear Jake sighing over the phone. "You see they _bailed _out. Well, not _technically_, they asked in a kind way though." I could imagine him massaging his temples. "Sorry about that _Trish_, but hey, I'm still up for the movies on Friday, how about you ? " He asked, his tone, slightly improving.

I thought about it for a moment, well, I could never leave Loki all by himself here while I go watched some movie with friend, it'd be really risky, leaving him all alone and vulnerable here at home. I looked at him for a moment.

"Sure, only if I can bring someone with me." I replied back to Jake with a grin. Movies with Loki might be fun, I wasn't going to miss that moment.  
"Uh, sure, I guess." Jake says with a disappointed tone. _Sorry Jake._ Can't leave the guy here or else I might find my house burning down to pile of ashes when I come back home. I hope that you'll understand, buddy.

"Thanks a lot, J. Same time ?"

"Yeah." He replies dryly.

"Okay then, see 'ya." I say back to over the phone before cutting off the call. Loki now turned his attention back at me, abandoning the Penguins in the T.V..

He raised again his dark brow at me. "I take it that you've made plans with someone ?" He asks in the same velvety voice that screamed, 'Eat Me'.

I grinned back at him. "You're coming though, can't leave you here. " I reply back to him. He then gave me confused expression.

"But before that, I'll have to teach you stuff tomorrow, I think your arm is better now, right ?" I asked him, hoping to receive a positive reaction and honest answer from him.

"No, it is not." He says dryly, clutching his injured arm with his other free arm in a protective manner.

"Aw, come on ! It has already been a week, surely you Gods can heal quickly, can you ?"

"Stop pestering me with questions mortal. If I say that it is not, then that would be the _last_ of it. Do you understand ?" He says with a hard expression on his face.

I flinched back for a moment. Loki looked serious. I wondered for a moment why ? I mean really, aren't God's blessed with the power to heal and regenerate quickly ? Well, a week has passed now ever since he came in my house with a huge gash wound, it should have healed rather quickly right? _Unless. . ._

I faced him now and looked at him, straight in the eyes. His emerald green eyes never failed to drown me in their beauty. "Tell me Loki. . . are you . . ." I trailed off. I didn't want to offend him but it had to be done after all, I needed answers to my internal questions.

"_Mortal_?" I continued but the word nearly came out as a squeak. Has Odin stripped him off of his immortality now? Was his punishment really that _heavy_ ?

Loki didn't reply for a few seconds, instead he only stared at me with those eyes.

"Loki. . ."

"Must you really pester me so much you human filth !" Loki burst out and I found myself jumping from my couch, tightly gripping the edges for support.

Loki proved to be really terrifying when he got mad. I mean he just scared the shit outta me right now.

Sighing, I called out to him again. "Loki, I'm sorry if I've offended you or anything, you see, I was only curious—"

"Curious ? " Loki started to laugh now. "This why you mortals always find yourselves situations that threatens for the safety of your life ! Are you not even aware of your very own Midgardian saying ? 'Curiosity killed the cat' ?" Loki starts huffing out in rage.

"Or do want me to demonstrate what I'm trying to point out here ? I'd be very much interested in doing so." He finishes, his tone now calmer but nevertheless, it was still giving me the chills.

I flailed up my arms in defeat. "Okay, okay, I understand your point, but really, I'm just curious, that is all, I didn't mean to flip your _bitch_ switch on."

Loki's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"My Bi-_what ?_" He asks.

I gave him a knowing look. "_Bitch Switch_. You know, when someone ticks you off, and then you go on raging, bawling your eyes out."I explain to him. I felt the sudden change of the atmosphere eased the tension between. Well, at least things were now cooling down.

Loki shook his head in disbelief. "What is it with you humans and your vocabulary ?"

I gave him a half-smile and shrugged. Happy that the tension was now finally relieved off.

"I guess that we're just _spontaneous _that's all."

Loki nodded. Although the tension has already died down, I still couldn't help myself from asking again, I needed an answer. An honest one.

In a low and calm tone, I asked him . "So. . . are you ?" I was hoping that I don't flip the switch again.

Loki looked at me before sighing and rubbing his temples. "Fine, I am , now, are you content ?" He asks in a ticked off tone.

I smiled at him. "Yes I very much am."

"Though why couldn't you just tell me earlier though, are you like on PMS or something ?" I asked him as I crossed my arms over my chest.

Loki shot back another expression of confusion to me. "_Pm-what ?_" Loki shook his head. "You do realize that I am the God of Mischief, right ? Which means, that I don't make it easy for everyone." He grinned at the last part.

"Touché." I say back with a grin too.

Loki smiled, it looked genuine enough and so I returned him with a smile too. I'd never thought that hanging out with Loki could be so scary but entertaining at the same time. I'm glad to have met him.

I got up and took the plate where the pudding had been earlier. I flinched a little at the reminder of how it tasted. I wondered how Loki was able to surpass the taste, does he have a magical tongue too?

"Are you not disgusted ?" I asked him and then I felt goose bumps rising over my skin as I once again remembered the putrid taste of it.

"By what ?" Loki asked, raising his head to look up at me while he tore his attention from the T.V..

I raised the used platter in the air. "_This_."

He raised an eyebrow. There it is again. The need to rub my thumb over it and stroke it all over is killing me . Damn Loki and that brow. Damn him for being perfect.

"I find the taste, quite exceptional. Is there something I should be aware of ?" He asked, still using that that goddamn sexy voice.

I stared at him for a moment, finding his appetite and taste, really weird. I shook my head but my eyes never left him as I did so. "No. . ."

After a few seconds, I spun myself around, and started making my way towards the kitchen when I slipped and fell. "Oh Shi—"

Unfortunately, my face met the cold hard floor first. The plate (thank goodness it was plastic!) rolled onto the floor. Not longer than that, I felt a long, cool, and slender hand grab my mine and yanked me up.

"Fuck. . . that really hurt." I complained as I got up. I rubbed my face, feeling my left cheek hurt a little. This will probably bruise.

"Is this a habit of yours ? Mindlessly tripping on the floor?" Loki asked, his tone of voice amused, I could hear a faint chuckle coming from him.

". . . No." I said while balancing myself, my other free hand was now settled over his chest. I felt the thin fabric of his black shirt within my palm, his chest heaving as he inhaled and exhaled. And then suddenly I felt intimidated his height. Analyzing, I'd be guessing he was somewhere over six feet and three inches.

I looked up to him, feeling him towering over me. His expression, still amused. His mouth, smirking.

"I just. . . well, uh the floor looked like it needed a hug."


	4. SOS

Every Mentally Sane Girl's Guide to Baby –sitting a Norse God.

a/n : Thanks to lokilockedthetardis for being such a good sport, thanks for the push, buddy!

p.s. : Unbeta'd and all mistakes belong to me. All the outrageousness of this story too.

I don't own Loki nor any Marvel-related things in my story, I only own my OC and the plot.

Enjoy reading EMSGGBNG !

Warning : contains some peanuts and strong languages, I advice those who are sensitive with flowery words should stay away from this story and pretend that you never came across it.

p.p.s. : Here's Loki's outfit btw : post/50636478013/tom-hiddleston-you-sexy-sexy-man

* * *

Chapter 4 : S.O.S.

_EMSGGBNG_ _Entry #3 : Manners._

_Always remember that teaching your God some manners will definitely test your patience. And there will always be a case in which you're going to be fed up with his/her shit that you'll just want to choke them so bad, their ancestors would feel it But if you still love having your head attached to your body, then it would be best to just simply endure their shitty attitude. Even if it means that you're going to have to pay for the damages after. _

* * *

_**-Patricia's P.O.V.-**_

Note to self: Never take Loki out to see movies in public. Especially if they're showing those romantic-comedy ones that have some sexual innuendos in them.

The morning before the movie night came, Jake called and bailed out, saying that he had to attend some 'family gathering' or something, though I knew that he'd been making a bad excuse since I could recognize his voice when he'd tried to make one, but I let it slide anyway. And so, I decided that it'd be fun to take Loki out. Loki didn't refuse but he kept on complaining how watching a movie was a '_pathetic midgardian past-time_' and that he'd much more preferred it if we both stayed at home at read some books. Hah, like that would happen. '_Reading books' _ was Loki's excuse to order me around at home and I knew for a fact that he was a sadist too. Well, this was one thing I wouldn't _slide._

I also made Loki wear a temporary disguise. By then, I had already dragged Loki to the bathroom (_in which he terribly squealed like a girl, no kidding_), I styled and trimmed his raven black hair and tousled it, giving him that sexy and dangerous look and gave him a blue-pair of colored contacts too. I'd also let him wear a plain v-necked-collared white shirt, a black jacket to layer it nicely and a pair of black skinny jeans too (all borrowed from my bro). Fortunately, it was a good thing that Loki had the same shoe size as my brother, and so I let him wear my brother's (still _borrowed_) leather loafers. Loki complained at first about wearing the contacts but nevertheless I was still able to persuade him to wear them. When Loki was finished, I tried to mentally compose myself. He looked so utterly gorgeous and sexy at the same time. I was still worried though that someone might still recognize him, and so, finding a pair of black sunglasses, I offered it to him to wear it. He didn't like the idea of wearing sunglasses but still, it was necessary for precautionary measures, I also told him that he could take them off once we were finally inside the movie house. The darkness will help him hide his identity, somehow.

Throughout the movie, Loki kept on bugging and asking me questions about the sexual innuendos found within the movie's conversations. I pretty much tried to keep a straight face while explaining most of them. But before that, Loki also had the nerve to threaten the snack bar clerk to give him a popcorn, I was away from that time, buying the tickets for us. Still, I was able to get Loki out of trouble when I'd explained to the clerk that Loki was mentally unstable, which was still true anyway. In the end, the clerk refused Loki's demands and that made him furious which led to him breaking the glass that had popcorn in it. We were lucky that there hadn't been a large crowd to witness it happen, and if there was, I'd really kick Loki out of my house, the minute we get back, and I wasn't even afraid to do it. The manager let it slide by letting me pay fifty dollars (_what a rip-off ! Thank God I still had some money in me_.) and let me and Loki carry on with our own business. Luckily, the manager too had given us a free popcorn to eat, and Loki's mood lightened up a little. I handed the popcorn to Loki before we left the bar.

Here's a recap of what had happened inside the cinema earlier.

* * *

_From beside me, I felt a slight tug of my shirt sleeve. I whipped my head to see Loki slightly leaning towards me, but still had his eyes on the large screen. People around us were now laughing their heads off, and I did the same too, except for Loki, who found the movie scenario and conversation, confusing._

_In a small and hushed tone, he asked. "Tell me mortal, what is it with visiting __**Uranus**__, and why do the people in here, find that so amusing ?" Loki's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I tried so hard not laugh at his ignorance. This was his fifth question for the night, I only wondered how much more he still had in store for me._

_When I could no longer hold it, I laughed lightly at him. "Loki, it's still just a sexual innuendo."I grabbed the popcorn from him and took a few. Loki glared at me when I took it from him but he didn't complain anyway. "Tell me, do you know what an anus is ?" Well, I can't believe that I'm asking him this. This is so messed up._

Loki then gave me a mischievous look before grinning. "Do tell."

_Okay what the actual fuck. I will not explain __**that **__to him. My dignity is all that I have now, I can't just ruin it now. This is just so wrong on so many levels._

"Don't fuck with me Loki, I know that you know stuff, you're a God, remember?" I handed back the popcorn to him before crossing my arms over my chest.

_Loki grinned this time. "Yes, I am, do tell mortal, I find this "anus" thing interesting."  
Okay, that settles it, not only Loki was a mental psycho but he was a perverted maniac too. I should have known. It also seems that Loki has a gift for making people really uncomfortable. _

_I sighed and rubbed my temples. I thought of a good way to explain_ _this… madness to him._

_Well here it goes. God help me. "Y-you know. . . when we take a dump… it's the… p-part of the body. . ." I trailed off in a small voice, thinking of other possible ways to explain it to him without sounding really stupid and awkward at all._

Loki shifts in his seat and is now facing me. He's smirking. "Carry on." He says, clearly enjoying my uneasiness. What an ass.

"_I-it's the p-part where the poop comes out-t." I continued but didn't look at his eyes when I said it. I mean, who talks about shitting to someone ? Even describing how it is done too ? _

_Loki laughs heartily but lightly. His oil-smooth voice, flooding my ears. They sounded so heavenly. Oh God, am I daydreaming ? All of the places ? Now ? With him ? _

"_You midgardians are really amusing. It's no wonder why your species are the most apt kind to have as pets." He takes a few of the popcorn in his hands. "Now, would you kindly elaborate further this 'anus' thing you speak of ? I still cannot understand what you are trying to point here, mortal." Grinning, Loki takes another shot of popcorn before looking at me again with those mischievous green eyes._

I felt my annoyance grew in me. Loki was a stubborn God. No, he was a five-year old kid trapped in a beautiful man's body. Damn him ! He's just so frustrating to deal with!

"_It's. . .it's. . ah fuck it !" I exclaim right at him. "It's the __**asshole**__ goddammit !" I blurted right at him, not realizing that I've now made a scene right inside the dimly lit cinema. Really. Wonderful. Just what I needed. Another embarrassing memory to cherish. Thanks a lot Loki. You ass.  
_

_A lot of people looked right our direction. Most of them wide-eyed. Some were eyeing us with annoyance, others shushed us with their fingers and hisses. _

_Oh God. Why ?. I know that I've been so good this year. Again, I repeat, WHY ?_

_A couple seated right in front us, whisked their head to our direction and eyed us with disgust as they started to get up and move. Gosh, I just wanted to curl up in a ball of shame at that moment. I just wanted to go home now. And it was all thanks to Loki. The God of Mischief and complete assery. _

_Thinking that this might be a good opportunity to make a run for it and escape the shame, I stood up and grabbed Loki's hand, causing him to almost drop the popcorn on the floor. Fuck the movie, I'll just wait for the DVD. Right now, nothing else mattered except for my dignity. _

_Loki made a face. "What in Odin's name are you doing !" He exclaims as I dragged him away from the cinema and into the street, just outside the movie house. It was still probably seven in the evening, judging from how crowded the streets were filled with busy people, rushing to get back to their homes._

When we made it outside, I panted for air, where as Loki did the same, he glared at me when he did so too. "Are you out of your mi—"

"_Can you just please shut up your fucking mouth for once ? I'll fucking sew it back if you speak single goddamn word right now." I told him as I removed the scarf from neck. I needed the cold air to soothe me. I needed to clear my head for a little while. _

"_How dare you speak foul—" _

"_I fucking __mean__ it."I shot back at him. He looked at me calmly before silencing himself. I'm glad it worked._

_For a couple of minutes, we just stood there, the night air engulfing us as we watched the busy streets hum with life. Loki didn't speak nor budge a move for a long while. Even with the fast-paced life on the streets, I was able to blur them all out from my mind and I was finally able admire the pretty lights that spread across before us. Peace. Finally. _

_Feeling rather cooled down, I faced Loki._

"Okay then, how would like to go for a walk ?" I asked him while wrapping the scarf back around my neck.

_Loki didn't reply but instead, he only gave me slight nod. His lips, pursed into thin line._

* * *

Now, Loki and I were beside one another, walking our way back home. Really, I don't usually do this, I always take a cab whenever I want to go back home, but knowing that Loki was with me, I felt safe being with him. _Odd._

This man infuriated me to the core. Other than playing mischief and lying, annoying people to death was probably another of his _talented _gifts.

Sighing, I placed my hands into pockets of my cardigan. Loki looked at me before shoving his into the pockets of his jeans.

There was no way that this _deal_ was going to work. I mean, every time that Loki and I were together, we'd be pulling each other's wits. He was a God, and a cunning one at that too. How am I supposed to deal with this Godly_—excuse me—_ shit ?

At one point, Loki was ahead of me with a few steps when he'd stopped walking and gazed right into the still display of a shop. I caught up with him, wondering why he'd halted in his tracks. I looked at him, examining him as he stared into the display. I whisked my head to look at the direction his eyes were laid on.

There was a small book about monsters displayed on a display shelf and it had a cover of a creature that slightly had bluish tint of hue to it, it also had enormous hands could cut anything with it's razor-sharp claws. It was then I'd realized that we'd stopped over at a small bookshop.

The small book reminded me of something awfully familiar.

Something. . .

About Loki.

_So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?_

_Oh_. I tore my gaze away from the book and looked at Loki. His eyes looked liked they were staring into the void. His face held no significant emotion but deep down I knew, his nightmares had come to haunt him again. Although I hated Loki and his annoying antics but looking at him right now, made my heart...sink. Loki had thought of himself as a monster, torn by lies and emptiness. God, the man was even taught to hate his own kind. He'd even hoped a hopeless dream. I felt a pang of sadness as I continued to study his face.

Another memory came up in my head.

_What, because I... I... I am the monster parents tell their children about at night? _

I blocked the memory quickly. I placed a palm on his broad shoulder, he winced slightly, not from the pain I guess, but from the sudden touch. Even with some clothes on, he felt cool. Well, I guess it was another perk of being a Frost Giant.

I tapped his shoulder, telling him to face me but he only ignored me, refusing to look at me.

"Loki." I say. Still nothing.

"Loki." I say again, and this time he looked down. His emerald green pools radiated of emptiness. His face, a hollow and empty expression and his lips had been tightly pursed into a straight line. The playful Loki earlier was now nowhere to be found.

I sighed and tilted his head down by his chin."Loki, we've all had our fair share of doubts and bad lucks." I paused while I let go of my hand from his shoulder before taking both of his hands into my own and looked straight at him. I wanted his full attention on me. His brows furrowed a little but not too much. Was I making him uneasy ? "And perhaps, yours was just more than the usual, but remember Loki, no problem exists without a solution or answer to end it. You'll find yours soon enough, you'll just have to endure for awhile, but you know what ? In the end, it will be all worth it, trust me."

I smiled at him before letting go of his hands.

I looked at behind him and into the dim streets, remembering something.

"Now, what do you say ? We go _home _now and rent a few movies along the way, I know a great video store just right down the street."I gave him another smile as I extended a hand towards him. Telling him to come with me.

"Well, are you up for it _buddy_ ?"

* * *

_**-Loki's P.O.V.-**_

This mortal.

She is a stubborn one I admit. A complete pain in my Asgardian soul.

But her simple gesture had me at lost for words. A Silvertongue, at lost for words ? Hilarious. How does she know what I'm feeling right now ? Does she know my true nature ? An abomination ? A rejected outcast of the Asgardian society ? Does she know how much pain I am in right now ? I doubted that, she was just a petty mortal after all. But there was something in this mortal, I do not know for sure, but there is indeed something, something telling me to _trust_ her. To _believe _in her.

Well should I ?

_Could I ?_

I mentally shook my head. No, this woman was not capable of telling a lie. If there was something I was so sure about, it was the _purity_ of her soul. Although most of times, foul words come out from that small and frustrating mouth of hers, still, deep inside her true nature was kindness, unlike me, I was a monster, in and out. It was a skin-deep shame and burden I had to carry for the rest of my life.

But this mortal_—_thiswoman_, Patricia._ Even at a ripe and young age, her wittiness already matches  
that of an adult's. I was proud to have met her. Too bad, she would have made a great Lady back in Asgard, she possessed a kind soul and she was true warrior at heart too. _She even wouldt have been made a great Queen too._

_Queen ?_

Wait, what in Odin's name was I thinking ? I sighed. She is only but a mortal, her kind was the weakest species that had ever existed and I, I was a God and I should learn how to act like one. To _be_ one.

But, I could let it go just this once.

Just this _once._

I would try feeling again .

I would try it . With _her. _

I grinned as I looked down and nodded at her, accepting her offer. She grinned back as well. And off we were, dashing onto the dim but busy streets of Midgard.

I would go back _home_.

With her.

_Home._

I liked the sound of that.


	5. Are You Kidding Me

Every Mentally Sane Girl's Guide to Baby –sitting a Norse God.

a/n : As always, thank you everyone for the love you've been all pouring into this story !  
Hehe, stay tuned though It gets better and better. ;D

p.s. : Unbeta'd and all mistakes belong to me. All the outrageousness of this story too.  
I don't own Loki nor any Marvel-related things and characters in my story, I only own my OC and the plot.

p.p.s : For those of who have been wondering about the timeline of this story. It starts right after the end of the Avengers movie. So basically, it's set in the post-Avengers movie-verse. Anyhoo, enjoy reading EMSGGBNG !

Warning : Still contains some peanuts and strong languages, I advice those who are sensitive with flowery words should stay away from this story and pretend that you never came across it.

* * *

Chapter 5 : You've got to be kidding me.

_EMSGGBNG_ _Entry #4 : Teaching Your God How to Cook._

_Don't. Just don't. Trust me. Been there. Done that. The result ? You wouldn't even want to know. _

_Next time, just stick to the take-outs, okay ?_

* * *

"No—"

_Thump. _

"Wait. Loki—"

_Bam. Thump. Crash_

"_Loki !_ For the fifth time ! I told you to flip it ! Not _throw _ it !" I exclaimed in exasperation. Flailing my arms up in the air in desperation. _Sigh, _this was probably going to take _all night_ before we could even cook a _proper_ one. We were still here trying to get one damn pancake to look edible and we even started cooking an hour ago. What time was it already ?

I sighed. Maybe teaching him to cook wasn't the most greatest idea I had in mind. Still, it had be done. If he still plans on crashing here a little bit longer, then he'll have to make do with it. _Take it or leave it,_ that was the _deal._

"Must I really do this ? " He sighed in frustration as he turned to look at me. "Back in Asga—"

I raised an eyebrow stopping him before he could even continue while I crossed my arms over my chest.

"

Well, lookey here Mr. '_I was made to rule'_, look around, you're not in Asgard right ?,You're here—" I pointed a finger on the ground. "—on Earth—on _my_ planet and in _my _ home. So I'm now asking you _kindly_ to please just shut the hell up and do what I say, okay ? '_Take it or leave it'_, that was the deal remember ?" I snapped a finger at him, emphasizing my point.

Loki frowned before letting out a heavy sigh. It has been a week already since Loki came to our house. Weirder things have happened aside from Loki _magically_ appearing from nowhere. The day after I found Loki, I woke up, finding my Avengers blanket and my Captain America mug missing from the house. I'd even called and accused my mother and my brother of taking them away from me, but neither of them claimed to have done so. I kept looking for them for days and to which no avail, I found nothing. I'd even suspected my brother of being the culprit since he'd been eyeing them for quite some time before, though I'd still have to wait for him to come home yet, so by then I'll have to sleep without the comfort of my Avengers blanky and Captain America mug protecting me from psycho maniacs of the night, like uh—let say—_Loki_ ?

Loki turned his attention back onto than pan before throwing the spatula onto it. I watched him do so and he looked really pissed off ."Fine—" He pauses as he faces back at me. "—but when the day comes that I shall regain my immortality and magic again, I'll make sure that you and your pathetic species will kneel and—"

I stomped his foot.

Loki's eyes went wide with shock. "Argh ! H-how dare yo—"

Again, I stomped his foot, though this time, it was harder.

Loki immediately brought his poor foot into the air, hopping with his other free leg, up and down. Well, I think he was trying to do this to alleviate the pain."ARGH ! THAT WAS HIGHLY UNCALLED FOR !" Loki shouted as he rubbed the sore foot. His brows were furrowed as his emerald green eyes glared at me with anger.

I gave him a pissed off look. "For every time you say those 'kneel before me' crap, I will give you the benefit of having your foot squished like an ant and you sleeping outside of the house without any blanket or pillow to sleep on, do you understand ?"

Loki now stopped hopping. He looked up to me and glared. "And what makes you so sure that I will adhere to your pathetic threat, mortal ?" He spat out, still eyeing me with anger. I liked seeing Loki getting tied up in knots. Just the thought of it entertains me. I mean, it's not like you get to see Loki getting all worked up like this everyday.

My response ? Well, I just gave his other foot another stomp. See ? They're now a happily-stomped pair.

"ARGHHH !" Loki now let go of rubbing his foot, and quickly diverted his attention to the other. "Fine then ! What is it with you _mortals_ and _bullying_ me!" Loki's glare intensified a hundred fold. I shuddered a little. He just said mortals, with an 's'. Was he pertaining to the scene in Avengers where he gets beat up into a pulp by Hulk ? Daaamn, I'll have to rewatch that part again.

I didn't answer him, instead, I turned my attention onto the 'hot mess' before me. I was talking about the burnt pancakes if in case you were wondering, you naughty reader."You know what ? It's really funny actually." I started to chuckle while I started fixing the mess. I took a mental note to never let Loki get near the kitchen ever again.

"What is ?" Loki asked in a menacing tone, he still wasn't clearly happy about what I did earlier. Well, it was worth it anyway.

I tore my attention from the task at hand at looked at him. He stopped hopping now, but he still had that annoyed look plastered onto his face as he eyed me up and down.

I placed my hands on my hips as I leaned on the counter top to support my weight. I raised a hand and pointed a finger at him. Just as I pointed at him, he raised that magnificent brow of his as I spoke. "Well, for someone like you—a _God_—who tries to take over Earth, you really suck at cooking, I mean, _really really _suck at it. I don't know whether I should still be threatened by your presence or your horrible talent at cooking." I chuckled as I told him. It was true though anyway. Loki seemed to have a special talent at burning pancakes. Then again, should I still risk myself teaching him other things ? The thought sent shivers down my spine.

Loki crossed his arms over his chest and grinned. _Talk about creepy._

"You see mortal, A _true _King—like _me_—" He emphasizes on the last word. _Well, of course, I should have seen that coming. "_—never cooks for himself, why do so when I can have my servants do it for me ?"

Still grinning, Loki approached me carefully. He stopped when our faces where only a few inches away. He seemed to be having a hard time though. He was so tall that he needed to bend over so that he could be in the same eye level with me.

"That is, if you do not want to live your whole pathetic _mortal _ life as a lowly servant—I could always spare you the chance of being with me—" He paused and stared at with those mischievous green eyes before playing with a loose strand of my hair that fell onto my face as I slowly backed away from him a little. "—as my _Queen_."

I froze in place as he tucked the loose strand behind my ears. And then, he gave me the most sexiest grin I ever saw in my entire life. "You'd make a lovely one, I assure you."He continues. _Oh Loki, you sly creeper_. Be his _Queen ? _ Is he fucking out of his mind ?

Loki eyed me with anticipation written in his emerald green eyes. He stayed quiet as he waited for a response—or any form of reaction coming from me.

When I didn't say anything, he started first."A tempting offer , is it not ?"He says as he stepped back a few inches before me while his eyes never left mine as he did so.

"Can you not imagine it _mortal_ ? To be with the most powerful God ? All that power —and control. And to deny all of that would be the most foolish and unwise decision you'll ever make." Loki did some gestures to emphasize his point. And seeing him do those stuff made me think that Loki would definitely pass as a good professor someday. Just imagine those slender and sexy hands. Wait, do I smell a _fanfiction_ coming ?

With Loki away from me now, I was able to regain my lost composure and train of thought. I stopped leaning from counter and stood up straight. I grinned playfully, earning another lifted dark brow from him. God, he had to stop that or else, sooner or later, I might lose control over myself and do other awkward things to him. It'd be horrific nightmare for me.

Grinning, I opened my mouth to give him my reply. "Why Loki, of course—"

His eyes started to lit up.

"—not." I continued, still grinning as his face fell. Hah ! Did you see his reaction ? Take that you wanna-be-king. '_Uh-huh, you're owned—you—you—are—so—ownneeeed'_. I sang inside my head with a happy tune, I also did some mental dancing too.

My mental victory came to a halt when I noticed his eyes look back up to me and a frown started to form on his beautifully sculpted face. It felt good messing with him.

"You dare deny my offer to you ?" He asked in a low and hushed voice. It was cute seeing him have that look so equally cute and confusing at the same time.

"Yes." I say casually. I didn't bother to continue anymore, knowing that Loki would obviously ask me why. I wanted him to initiate it first. Plus, I enjoyed toying with his reactions. It was still too early to stop now.

"B-but why ? I do not understand ! It was a tempting and good offer—"He paused and looked back down. He looked so worked up. He must have been looking for answers himself in his mind.

"—was it not ?" He continued as looked back up, his brows furrowing. I remembered that it was the same expression he had when he'd found out the truth about his true heritage from his adoptive father— Odin. I pitied him, but only for a moment, he could be acting it all out for all I could know.

Completely forgetting about the mess in the kitchen, I told him my answer. "Yes and no. Yes because it was indeed, a tempting offer and no, because I do not want it."

He looked baffled his expression immediately changed from a sad puppy into a slightly infuriated one. See? I knew he was acting. He was the God of Mischief and Lies after all.

"Why in Odin's name would you refuse my offer ? You know that I do not give second chances to mewling quims like you. So if you would, I demand to hear a _reasonable _answer from you. " Loki now had his arms crossed over his chest again.

I sighed. This is why you don't ever associate with stray Gods, especially when they go by the name of _Loki_. This God sure has some mentality issues.

"Thank you for you most _generous_ and _kind _offer, but I would like to tell you that—" I raised my _middle finger_ in the air for him to see. "—one, you mister, are a creepy ass shit, I do not know how you are doing it but you are scaring the shit outta me—" I paused and raised my index finger along with my middle finger in the air. "—two, I like my _men _ with a stable _mentality, _thank you, and just you'd know, I hate dealing with your Godly shit, Loki, it's driving me nuts—"I raised my other ring finger in the air. "—third, just hearing the word, _immortality_, sounds boring already to me, I don't want to spend the rest of my life following you like a love-sick puppy, I like being a mortal—being human, knowing that there is death awaiting me, pushes me to strive harder to protect those I love, it's not that I'm not afraid to die, it's just that I'm willing to learn to accept it when my time comes to an end and I would like to leave this world knowing that I've done something good for myself and for the people I love—" I raised my pinky up in the air. "—fourth, I don't know what's up with you 'Asgardians' and your ways of wooing women, but as far as I know— well, for the love of God, Loki ! You're _married_, and you even gave _ birth_ to an _eight legged horse_ for _fuck's sake_! How am I supposed to stay sane if I am to be with you ? Hell, I don't want to be there, seeing you give _birth_ to— I don't even know what it's going to be next, but I don't want to be _scarred_ for life, especially if it's going to be a long one at that !" I huffed, and slightly panted for breath. I realized that I'd been talking non-stop for quite some time now since Loki hasn't even uttered a single word to me. God, the silence in the air was totally creeping me out.

Loki frowned and glared at me. If I wasn't imagining it, then I could have sworn that smoke came out from his flared nostrils."Look here you _filthy plebian—" _ He pauses while he points a slender finger at me. I continues_."—_first things first, I am not trying to scare you, _mortal,_ if you feel threatened by my presence then you should have stopped _arguing_ with me, you are truly making a mistake by denying what I have offered you. We Gods are known for being true to our words, when I say that you are not to be given any chance again, then what I say is none other than pure truth itself, no amends can be done to reverse what I have just said— second, I. Am. Not. A. Man.—"Loki hissed as he said the last five words.

What ? So was he implying that he's a woman then ? Well, that explains his bitchy tantrums, well, don't tell me that it's also the time of his month too ? No wait, WAIT, does this also imply that I'm also sexually and emotionally attracted to a woman ? And a psycho at that too ? Oh God I just can't—

"— I. Am. A. God." He continues, still hissing at every word. _Whew_, I felt relief wash over me, thank goodness that he's male and not a—I don't even know what to call it— but that just makes my head hurt even more, like, what the _actual fuck, _Loki's a man—excuse me, I meant a God, pardon me for my irresponsible specie labeling— but he just gave birth to horse—with _eight legs !_ Ah well, you know what ? Fuck it. I don't want to have additional homework anymore, I've had enough with that shit.

"—do I always have to remind you that ? What would it take me to keep that etched to that puny midgardian brain of yours ?" He stopped me with a hand before I could give him a witty response. "third, you are far more the most interesting mortal I have ever met to refuse an offer of immortality, though I do like the idea you're giving me, turning you into a '_love-sick puppy' _seems like a pretty amusing idea after all—"

_Patricia Page, what have you done to stir the psycho back to life._

"And no, _pathetic_ as it sounds and already is, being a _mortal _will serve you no good. Your species will always be the weakest, easily crushed upon by those who are _stronger , better _and far _more powerful. _Can you not see the truth ? Your kind is _blinded_ by the hopes and dreams that—in the end, worthless as they already are, will never—_ever _come true."Loki spat out as he paused before pacing in the kitchen for a few moments but his eyes never tore away from mine. And then suddenly, he stopped and grinned at me.

"_Darling_, there is no such thing as _'love'."_His velvety voice had a tint of mockery into it._ "_You see, this what they call, '_love'_ is none other than a useless emotion you _petty female mortals_ created to _play_ with instead of learning how to gain power and control_ ._" Loki started walking towards me again, halting when I flinched and backed away a little, he smirked at my sudden reaction.

"_Just so you'd also know, mortal._ I do not make an effort to woo women for them to come to me, why should I when they could easily _succumb_ and give themselves _freely_ without any constraint to me? Let me remind you that females like you—that it's already in your nature to crave for subjugation—"He stops a breath for a while before resuming. "—and last but not the least, you have no business with me and my personal affairs and I find myself wondering dear mortal, how were you able to obtain this knowledge? You are always full of surprises, aren't you ?" He says while he gives that Cheshire cat-like grin. _Oh could this guy get anymore creepier than that ?_

I panicked for a moment. What should I tell him ? _Uh, fanfictions and tumblr and some slight knowledge from a teacher ?_ Wow that rhymed.

"Uh. . . Norse mythology ? " I say, barely coming out as a whisper. Well, that could pass, I mean it's basically the same right?

"Look here Loki, I'm not illiterate, okay ? I can read and write, just as well as you do, even for once, don't be an asshat, will 'ya ?" I continued, hopefully that was enough to support my previous answer.

I saw a small grin toy at the edges of his mouth. "Oh, _really_ ? He says. Oh you sexy _sexy bastard_.

I sighed. "Yes, really. You know what Loki ? I could have accepted your offer but I am currently losing the least bit respect that I have for you. I mean seriously Loki, a _horse ?_ Are you shitting me ? And don't tell me that you have more Loki, because I swear to God I will never ever_ ever _ talk to you again." I shot at him. The mental image of him giving birth sent shivers down my _,_ _Loki is_—indeed—_ a mother. Mama Loki_. I snickered at the thought.

Loki frowned before glaring at me and holding his fists tightly. "How dare you ! A mortal at that too ! Speak of my _children_ like that ! I'll have you know, mortal that I will not tolerate su —"

Did just hear him correctly ? Are my ears also shitting me ? He just said '_children' _. Am I supposed to be scared shitless or happy for him ?

". . . Hold it right there. Did you just say '_children'_—you mean, there are—"I paused and gulped." — '_more' ? "_ I asked. Oh, _they _ could be anything, they could be a giant ass spider or a scary-ass furby or even a freaking platypus. Well, _you never know._

Loki cooled down before raising his eyebrow. Okay, what is it with him and raising eyebrows, can he not just say, '_excuse me' _for a change ? I mean, hello, I know that you're a really _really _ hot God but please, stop it with all the eyebrow porn. I'm trying my best to be a really good and decent (hah) person over here.

"Did you not just say a moment ago that you've read the Norse Mythology, yes ? " He asks me with suspicion. _Oh shit_. _He found out. _Damn me and my big mouth. Well, I only saw a post in tumblr about him giving birth (ew) to an eight-legged horse before, well, I never knew that he still had _more_. Dude, talk about using _contraceptives_. Ever heard of _abstinence_, buddy? I'll give him an earful of lectures when I get the free time to do so.

I needed to hurry up and come up with something. An alibi would do. Even if I was bad at it.

"Well." I say in a small voice, prolonging the word as much as I can. "I may or may not have dozed off in class about that part." I try say in my most casual tone. I shrugged. "You know me, I'm a busy person after all !" I gave out a squeaked laugh at the end, trying to sound playful.

Loki didn't seem to buy any of my act at all. Well, what do you expect ? Lying to the God of Lies would be like telling a four-year old kid that Santa doesn't exist. But whatever distracted him, he didn't dare pay any attention to my bad talent of telling alibis , instead I found him telling more about his '_children'. _God help me.

Loki and I sat at the living room couches, completely forgetting about the mess that still needed to be cleaned. He sat beside me and I grabbed a couch pillow as I listened to him speak.

After a few more minutes, hearing Loki talk about the tales of his children had me pitching in for more. Gone was now the disgust and uninterested feeling I had before for him and his baby-making adventures. It felt like listening to a good audiobook, the only difference was, he was here, live in flesh, narrating it all to me in that soothing, sexy, and sensual voice, before I'd even noticed it, I'd forgot about the stories and focused into his beautiful features instead.

The way Loki's mouth opened and closed sent chills down to my bones. Half-way through the stories, I learned that he had more kids other than Sleipnir (the eight legged horse) himself. He told that he had an eldest son named, Fenrir who happened to be taking the form of a wolf (don't ask me why), a younger son named, Jormungand who also takes the form of a sea serpent (nope, you still can't ask me why) and an only daughter named, Hel, who also happenes to be the Goddess of the Underworld too (talk about an odd family, his should have been made a sitcom, I'm so watching it if it does become one). Though whenever Loki would retell a good memory about him and his children, his eyes would light up with joy. It was nice seeing him like this, and I preferred this kind of persona over his brooding and temperamental one. _Hot damn, he has some nice cheekbones. I wonder how they would feel under my touch, would they be as razor-sharp as they were told to be ?_ Wait. What was I thinking ? Stop it Patricia. You're just frustrated, yes, that's all, frustrated. And maybe a little kind of lonely too. Did he also feel the same way back in Asgard too ? I wondered.

"Patricia !" A voice called out, snapping me awake from my daze.

"I'm sorry, what did you say ?" I asked still readjusting to the surroundings before me as I found Loki, standing up and heading back into the kitchen. I watched him as he examined the mess he'd caused earlier. It would take a while to clean it up but since I had Loki with me, it wouldn't be a problem anymore. His wound had already healed when the fourth day came, but it was still slightly tender to touch but nevertheless, he could still do some tasks without any delay. I also happened to control him sometimes from venting out his angertoo much by threatening him that I would go and poke the hell out of his newly-healed wound. And to my surprise, it kind of worked actually.

"I apologize for interrupting your daydreaming about me but I'd like to ask you about what we should do now ? I do believe that we've consumed much of the ingredients earlier. "He says as pokes the burnt batch of pancakes lying on top of a ceramic platter.

I flushed in embarrassment. Does he even read minds too ?

"I-I wasn't even daydrea—bah, whatever, I'll head out and go buy some take-out and some ingredients too, we need to replace the used ones." I called out to him as I checked my watch, indicating that it was still six in the evening which means I still had time to go out.

I started grabbing my phone and purse when Loki started to follow suit as well (except for the purse part, only females like me have those—but since he was a _full-pledged mother_ now, it wouldn't hurt to buy him one, would it ?) . I spun to face him before placing a hand on his chest to stop him .

"Woah there, mister, and where do you think you're going ? _hmm? " _I asked him as I used my other free hand to clutch the purse and phone I had.

Loki raised a brow at me. "Is it not obvious ? I'm coming, with you of course." He says casually as he watches me let go of my hand from his chest and put the phone inside the purse along with the money in it.

When I finished placing them all inside, I jerked my head up to Loki to give him my reply.

"Nuh-uh, you mister are going to stay here—" I pointed to mess back in the kitchen and his eyes followed for awhile before looking back at me with confused expression on his face. "and clean _all_ of the mess you've made." I say to him as I adjusted the sneakers to my feet.

Loki's eyebrows furrowed. "Mortal, are you making me—the God of Mischief and Lies—clean your little midgardian kitchen ?" He asks, surprised.

I nodded. " Yes, and now that you've got it, I'll leave you here now, nice and cozy." I spun around from him and started making my way towards the main door. When I heard Loki starting to protest, I turned around and looked at him, stopping whatever he had to say as I called out.

"Be a _good little God_, and stay away from things that will get you in _trouble_. I want the kitchen clean when I come back , I also expect you to _behave_ yourself. And oh, spare me the trouble of having you _knocked up _in my living room, okay? I don't want to see _baby horses or tarantulas_ or whatever you want to have, running in my living room. Remember, Loki, I run a house, and not a _brothel _here. So, cheerio !"

I call out to him, before shutting the door behind and hearing whatever witty response he had for me.

So I guess this means, it'll be a Chinese take-out again for tonight, huh ? Oh well. _Sigh._

Walking down the dimly lit streets at night felt awfully cold and scary at the same time. I'd decided to buy the

take-outs right after I was able to get the ingredients.

I was already half-way down street to Walmart when I felt a huge gush of wind hit me. I stopped on my tracks and closed my eyes for while as my wild hair hits my face mercilessly. When the wind has stopped, I jerked my head back up as I fixed my messy hair with my free hands. Whether it was because of my weariness or my imagination, I could have sworn that for a moment, I saw a glowingand bright blue streak of light coming from the same direction where the wind had hit me, My eyes slowly followed it as it passed through the whole dimly-lit street and city. It looked like it was scanning everything from above, just like how a photocopying machine would scan the paper they would replicate. I rubbed my eyes , and when I opened them, I noticed that the streak of light had already disappeared and I ogled for moment if it was just because I was really too damn hungry and that the hunger made me see weird things.

Ignoring what had happened earlier, and resuming my walk, I was able to reach Walmart earlier than I'd expected, roughly about around five minutes or so only. When I was already in, I grabbed a cart and started hunting for the things I needed.

I had finished gathering the rest of the ingredients and was now in the baking section of the mart, gazing at the rows and rows of products in the shelves, looking for a good quality of flour when I heard a very familiar stream of voices booming from the other side of the aisle.

"I suggest that you stop being childish and start taking things seriously, _Tony._" A strong but gentle voice said.

_Tony ? _Did I just hear—

"Chill there _Capsicle_. Do you want me to go over the frozen section area and go get you some _ice_ ? No, wait, I've got a better idea, how about we take you back to the Arctic Ocean and get you all nice and chilled up in a _block of ice_?" The voice paused for a moment before resuming. "_J.A.R.V.I.S. _I need a temperature check on the Artic."It was a voice that I was able to quickly recognize and I just knew exactly to whom it belonged too.

"_Certainly Sir. __The temperature of the surface of the Arctic Ocean is fairly constant. Almost near the freezing point of seawater and just slightly below zero degrees Celsius_." The some-what English-accented robotic voice paused. "_Would that be all Mr. Stark ?"It continued. _

"Yes that'll be all, _J.A.R.V.I.S_."

"_Very well, Mr. Stark."_

"See Cap ? The temperature's _not so bad_, right ? Considering that you've been inside a block of ice for almost seventy yea—"

OMG. ARE YOU SHITTING ME. ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SHITTING ME. DID I JUST HEAR TONY SPEAK TO J.A.R.V.I.S. . Shit ! I must be really _really _hungryto be hallucinating right now. I better go hurry up and get all these stuff done before I could even see a flying fish hover over me.

"_Stark. _Cut it out and stop acting like a kid. "Another familiar female voice echoed throughout the aisle.

_Holy hell, was this happening for real ?_

I couldn't help myself anymore so I spun myself around—only to find _Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr. and Scarlett Johansson_ standing at least five meters—in the middle of the aisle— away from me.

I found Scarlett wearing a pair of skinny black pants, a fitting black tank top and an open khaki-colored leather jacket to finish off her look. Her usually blonde hair was replaced with short tresses of fiery reddish-orange curls that fell beyond past her chin but never fully reached her shoulders. On the other hand, Chris was wearing a pair of brown slacks, a blue button-down plaid polo shirt and a brown leather jacket to top it all off. His dirty-blonde hair was neatly parted and arranged whereas Robert, who was busy getting into a heated argument with him earlier, was wearing a black shirt with an ACDC logo in front of it, paired with a casual pair of denim jeans and as usual, his hair was short, but in a sexy-short kind of way. I noticed that something glowed in his chest. Oh no, wait. Don't tell me it's the—'cause if it is, I swear I'll _shit bricks_ right now.

"_Tasha !"_ Robert's voice called out within the aisle. I watched as Scarlett —no— '_Tasha_' comes to them.

Wait a minute. _Tasha ?_

"_Ma'am_." Chris nods at her.

"_Rogers_." '_Tasha_' nods back to him. "Do you know where _Clint_ is ? I've been looking for him half-an hour ago." She says as she looks around and her eyes catches me watching them. Panic filled me and I quickly looked away.

Was it possible ? Could they be really the Avengers themselves ? Wait, or were they filming right now ? I whipped my head and looked around for some cameras poking out.

But it wasn't it still too early to be shooting for the next installment of Avengers now ? If it is so, then where were the cameras ? The film crew ? God, my head was hurting so bad now.

I mean it's not that it isn't possible for them _not_ to be real since Loki is practically at home, cleaning the kitchen right now and waiting for me. _Oh wait._ I forgot about _Loki. _If the Avengers were indeed truly here, then I'd better go home and make sure that Loki does not come out and do something stupid or else he'll be _dead meat_—and _I'll_ be _dead meat_ too.

Grabbing the nearest and most suitable flour as fast as I could, I quickly tossed it in the cart and started making my way back to the check-out counters when I heard another male voice come right through my direction.

Jeremy Lee Renner was running towards the Avengers.

With a box of tampons in his hand.

_Really ? Are you shitting me ? Oh God, I'm dying right now._

I spun around, my eyes following Clint's movements as he starts to approach them.

"Hey _Nat_ !I found _the_—_oh_" He pauses as he quickly realizes how deep was the shit he was already in for.

Jeremy—no— Clint, was raising the box of tampons into the air, catching the attention of Tony, Steve and last but not the least, _Natasha_ herself. Natasha's face immediately turned the same color as her fiery red hair as Clint slowly approached them was now already few feet away from them. Clint stopped at his tracks when he saw Natasha eye him menacingly.

Natasha quickly swiped the box of tampons away from Clint's grasp and kneed him in his crotch. She quickly tossed the box away into an open shelf, leaving a poorly injured-crotch Clint agonizing in pain.

_Well, whaddaya know ? It does suck to have some balls. _

All the while Steve patted Clint on his shoulder, sympathizing with him, Tony only laughed so hard that it echoed throughout the whole mart, he even took a picture of it. I couldn't help but give a little giggle of my own too. Clint only gave Tony a death glare that didn't even stop Tony from laughing his ass off before thanking Steve for helping him get up. A beep interrupted their moment and Natasha quickly fished out her cell phone and stared at the screen for a moment. Even from afar, I could make out her face shift a little.

Without looking at trio, Natasha spoke."Fury says that Loki has been _recently_ spotted somewhere in this area. We need to spread out and search and report back to Fury before midnight." Natasha quickly stashes the phone back into the pocket of her pants before heading out of the mart along with the Avengers in full speed, well except for Clint, who—uh had some _minor injuries_.

Needless to say, I sprinted out the mart like a maniac, leaving my cart —and the gathered ingredients behind, completely forgetting my original purpose for going out.

I only hoped that Loki has already gone home quick before any of _them_ spots him first.

Though as much as Loki annoyed me to death.

Still.

I needed to get home.

I needed to get home. _Fast.  
_

_I knew I had to protect Loki._

_And I didn't even know why. _

I just simply. . .

_knew_.


	6. Get A Room

a/n : So, I've been ditching work just to write this fic. (I can't help it, my fingers are itchy for some fic writin' !)

Warning : Contains some … err. I don't know, fluff ? And romance I guess ?. xD

Still Unbeta'd, all mistakes belong to me. Though I wished I owned Loki and the Avengers but sadly, I don't. Still contains some peanuts and strong languages, I advice those who are sensitive with flowery words should stay away from this story and pretend that you never came across it.

* * *

Chapter 6 : Get a Room.

_EMSGGBNG_ _Entry #5 : Keeping your God with you at all times.  
_

_Having a hard time taming the egotistical beast ? Well then, try putting him on a leash next time, it'll probably help. _

_Probably._

* * *

I sprinted out from the mart and into the dim streets as fast as my feet would take me. I was quite relieved when I spun my head around and caught a glimpse of the Avengers running into the opposite direction, away from me. It was good thing because it would probably buy me some more time to look for Loki before they decided to search in my direction later.

The things around me became a hazy blur as I huffed and panted for air. The rush of adrenaline kicking in my nerves was enough to get me running non-stop for a while. I didn't care whether my feet would feel sore later, there was a priority I needed to finish and before I had even realized it, my body had stopped into a full halt.

Amidst the dark street, faintly illuminated by the old street lamps, I could barely make out a silhouette standing a few feet ahead from me. I immediately took a defensive stance, keeping my body and mind alert for any kind of unusual movement. In a slow pace, I walked towards it, hoping in my mind and to whatever deity that was above, watching me, that the thing before me wouldn't attack me or worse, bite off my head or something.

It only took me a few careful steps before realizing that I was a complete nut job for acting so scared and nervous.

A familiar scene played before me. Loki stood and faced the same bookshop we passed by before, only this time he was eerily quiet. I tilted my head to my side as I slowly approached him. It might be possible that this was just a trap to lure me in. For all I could know, somebody must have been trying to pose as Loki to get me.

"Loki ?" I say, still keeping a good distance from him.

The said man stood for awhile before turning his head to me. His hands were in the pockets of his jeans. He then gave me a wary expression that I didn't like.

"What are you doing here ?" He asks, annoyed. _Oh wow, the nerve._

I arched a brow at him.

"_What are __**you**__ doing here ?"_ I shot back. He was supposed to be at home. He was supposed to be behaving like a good frosty baby waiting for mommy Patty to come home.

When he didn't answer, I continued, "Aren't you supposed to be at home right now ? Don't you know how risky it is to—"

I stopped when I heard familiar voices echo throughout the silent street.

"_Any signs of him ?"_

"_No."_

"_Then split up, we will rendezvous at the park."_

"_What ? You can't be serious."_

"_Do you see me laughing Tony ? Steve, you're sticking with me. Clint, you're with Tony. Alert me once you've found something suspicious, now go."_

_A shuffling of footsteps could be heard from afar._

"_Hey, stop channeling your inner pigeon. Come on, what's next Legolas?"_

"_We move forward."_

I spun my head slowly, only to find the familiar shadowy figures of the archer and the Iron Man approach us. I panicked for a moment and then quickly brought my attention back to Loki who was now frowning at me.

Should we make a run for it ? No, probably not, that'll only make us more suspicious. If only Loki had not lost his powers then I wouldn't be having a hard time right now coming up with a brilliant plan, but you see, that wasn't the case right now, he was mortal, like me and he couldn't even cook a single shit without setting the house on fire or poisoning me with it. Glancing around, I looked for other ways to save our asses off. Something crossed my mind and I wanted to bash my head for it but it was worth the try anyway though I was definitely sure that I was going nuts for coming up with a silly and uncomfortable idea.

"Kiss me." I blurted out at Loki. God, what was I doing ? I haven't even had my first kiss yet ! Much less, be the first one to initiate it.

Loki's eyes widened in horror and surprise.

"Excuse m—"

Without wasting any second anymore, I leaned in, stared at his emerald green eyes for a moment before cupping his face between my hands and then slamming my lips against his.

At first, Loki didn't respond with the kiss but eventually, he gave in. I closed my eyes and he quickly took control over my mouth. And by Gods, he tasted delicious and heavenly. I gripped his face harder, leaning in and asking for more. Tremor ran down my spine as he kissed me deeper this time, playing with my tongue. New sensations ran inside my body. I felt a spark ignite between the two of us when I let go of his face and placed my arms around his neck. It was his turn to cup my face this time, his grip wasn't gentle but neither was it rough. I was afraid that my first kiss would turn out to be sloppy but with Loki, it turned out that I had craved for _more_.

Loki ran his slender hands from my face down to my neck. His touch was cool but I felt incredibly hot inside and then I ran my fingers around his hair, the silky smooth feel of them beneath my touch sent me shivering down my spine. Loki bit my bottom lip and I flinched. Who knew kissing somebody could feel this _good _?

"Get a room you two ! " Someone called out and it was then I realized that it was Tony's voice who'd called it. And then I heard a pair of shuffled footsteps walk away from us, leaving me and Loki to enjoy our impromptu lip-lock match.

Loki stopped nibbling on my lower lip and started to continue kissing me senselessly as he slid down his long and slender hands to my back, making me arch deliciously towards him. I felt hunger overcome me as I rested my arms over his broad shoulder, tiptoeing in order for me to reach his height. I felt his hands slide under the back of my shirt. I gasped when I felt his cool hands on my bare skin. My eyes quickly opened I slowly pushed him away with what little strength I had, breaking our kiss.

Loki pulled away and I jerked my head down and panted breath while I ducked I placed my hands over my knees for support. The kiss took up most of my oxygen supply and I was to blame Loki for that. When I looked up, I saw a bead of sweat form on top of his eyebrows. He stared for a moment before grinning at me.

"My, my, did I overwhelm you too much, mortal ? Was I really _that_ good ?" Bastard. He was getting cheeky now that he was able to see my vulnerable side. Damn it ! If only the Avengers hadn't come here in the first place then this wouldn't have happened !

I jerked my head back up, meeting him in the eyes. "Don't get too cheeky yourself, asshole. And F.Y.I., only did it because I didn't have any other choice." I spat out at him as I rubbed my swollen lips furiously, wanting to erase the traces he'd left behind. I winced since they felt awfully tender. I felt the heat between my thighs cool off managed to get a hold of myself. God, was I freaking _horny _when he'd kissed me ? Dammit !

Loki flashed me a bright smile. "And what a choice it was indeed." To protect me from the Avengers, _how nice of you_." Damn him, why couldn't he just stop ? Couldn't he leave a post-horny woman alone ? As if I've had enough problems to deal with, this asshole was just adding up to the pile.

"You _knew_ they were coming? " I asked him, gaping. This son-of-a-bi—

He smiled. "I maybe mortal but my senses are still heightened."

Oh my God ! I can't believe that I fucking kissed this—this _asshole_! Argh, why didn't he just warn me in the first place anyway ?

I slowly stood up straight and walked my way towards him, my eyes never leaving his. I snarled at him when our faces were only inches apart.

"Then, why didn't you fucking tell me in the first place, you ass !" I yelled, just enough for him to get my point and not to wake up the entire neighborhood around us. The last thing I wanted to do was attract some public attention and then the entire Avengers would eventually find us.

"I find it amusing, seeing you get flustered and worked up. Honestly, you can't blame me, mortal, it's in my nature to make things harder for people like you." He gives me a slight wink.

Feeling really infuriated, I brought my hand up to slap it against his cheek but he was quick enough to grab it and hold it in place. I growled at him.

He leaned in closer and a tilted my chin up to his. His eyes traveled down from mine and onto my red, swollen and abused mouth. He grinned.

In a sexy but thick voice he said, "Tsk tsk tsk, I wouldn't do that if I were you, _mortal_." God, It felt like honey was dripping down from his voice. Thick and sweet. I lost all of my rational thinking by just imagining myself kissing him again, wanting to taste that heavenly mouth again. I couldn't help but lose control for a moment as my knees wobbled, I placed my other free hand on his chest and leaned on for support.

He started to lean in closer, labored breaths started to arise. He stared at me one last time before moving back to my lips. He licked his and I felt my knees wobble again at the sight. Slowly, he leaned down, my hand still encased in his tight grip as his lips started to brush against mine. The sensations were back again but I quickly pulled away when I heard a voice call out to my name.

"_Trisha ?_"

I immediately kicked Loki in the knee, telling him to let me go and he did. I spun around, wandering who it was.

It was the least person I did not expect to see.

"Jake ?" I say as he started making his way towards me. He smiled when we were only but a feet away and then his smile quickly fell when he saw Loki eye him suspiciously.

"Hey, so uh, is this guy bothering you ?" He asks while nodding towards Loki. Loki gave a low growl at the young man and Jake flinched for a moment.

"No !" I hastily blurted out and Jake raised a brow at me that said, '_Oh-kay'_. Gah, I needed to compose myself.

"N-No. I mean, he may look like a psychotic axe-wielding maniac who probably wants to take over the world again b-but he isn't. Trust me." I stuttered at the few parts, earning not only another eyebrow raise again from Jake but from Loki as well.

Jake placed his hands in the pockets of his pants and whistled. "So, if he isn't a 'psycho axe-wielding maniac', who's he then ?" Jake asked while he nodded again to Loki's direction. I exchanged glances with Loki for a moment before finally replying to Jake.

Help me. "Oh, uh, sorry about that. T-This— This is—" I paused, thinking of a good alibi to say to Jake. "Uncle Lo !" I stammered. Well, at least that was something, I mean basically, Loki's probably a thousand years older than me, it wouldn't hurt to him uncle, wouldn't it ?

I faced Loki for a moment, wanting to see his reaction and he only gave me a raised eyebrow. I turned my attention back to Jake who seemed like he was busy studying us. He didn't probably buy it, but hey, at least I _tried_.

Jake eyed Loki suspiciously before extending his hand to him. "So uh, you're family eh ? You sure don't look alike. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you _sir_, the name's Jake. Jake Adamsworth."

Loki eyed him back suspiciously for a moment before taking his hand and shaking it (in which I nudged him to do by the way.)

Loki finally grinned. "No, Jake. The _pleasure's_ all _mine_." He says as he nods at Jake.

After a while, I felt the male testosterone tension fill the air and they quickly broke off the awkward handshake, and Jake place his hands back in the pockets of his worn out jeans. He then turned to face me, earning my attention as he did so.

"So, uh, what are you guys doing here ? Isn't it a little bit too late to take a stroll outside ?" Jake asked as he huffed a breath between his hands and rubbed them.

I laughed awkwardly. "Ah, you see, my uncle's getting really _senile_, he goes on nightly walks because he needs some fresh air. You know, _old_ age." I scoffed. " It isn't working too well for him." I shrugged as I patted Loki on the shoulder, earning a death glare from him and I quickly shoved it away.

Jake nods slowly. "I see." Out of nowhere, a ring starts to echo from him. Jake quickly fishes out his phone and answers it. We all stood for awhile, waiting for Jake to finish his call. Loki had his eyes still set on Jake and I elbowed him, making him divert his attention to me as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Will you please stop that ? You're giving him the creep feels." I leaned sideways as I told Loki in a hushed whisper so that Jake couldn't hear me.

Instead of following me, he chose to ignore me. Oh wow, what a pain in the ass. Jake was already finished talking to the phone when he turned his attention back to us, and I stiffened in my place abruptly, trying not to look suspicious but I don't think I nailed it.

"Sorry about that, mom called. I need to go back now." Jake tilted his head and gave us an apologetic smile and I nodded. Well, technically, Loki practically beamed up when he knew Jake was leaving.

I shrugged and patted Jake on the shoulder before hugging him. "Okay then, take care you geek." I say to him while I smiled. Jake returned back the smile and hug me back too before patting me on the shoulder, leaving me and Loki alone to ourselves as he walked away, hands in his pockets as he did so.

I turned around to face Loki right after Jake had left. Loki had that brooding look on him and I can't help but laugh over his child-like attitude.

I punched his shoulder playfully. "Why the long face chump ?"

Loki only glared at me and crossed his arms over his chest. "_Senile_ ? _Old_ ? Was that really necessary ? Tell me mortal, do you even know who you are messing with ? And what is your true relationship with this—this _Jake _? " He asked looking very unhappy.

"Woah there, chill your _Asgardian_ soul dude. I was only messing with 'ya, besides, what is it with you about me and Jake anyway ? It's not like you control my life or anything." I asked while I held my arms up in the air and he quickly held them right away.

"_Tell me._" He says with a hiss still not letting go of my arms. I tried to wiggle away but his tight grip was hard to compete with.

"Fuck ! Fine, Fine ! We're just friends ! Best friends ! Now will you please let me go ? You're fucking squeezing my arm, Christ !" I exclaimed at him and he immediately let go. The tension on his face eased up a little and I wondered why. I rubbed the wrists of my hands where he'd had a tight grip earlier.

I looked backed up to him and grinned. "Wait, are you _jelly ? _"I asked and Loki stared at in me confusion while his brows furrowed.

"_What ? "_

"Don't worry." I chuckled and patted his cheek with my hand. "It's totally okay to be jealous. It's normal for men with gushing testosterones like you."

Loki gripped my hand again. _What is it with him and gripping my hands ?_

"How dare you accuse me of being '_jealous'." _He snarled at me as he let go of my poor hand. I whimpered in pain, rubbing my the wrists of my hands again.

"Ugh, jeez, fine, I'll stop. Why do you keep hurting me anyway, first you abused my li—" I cut off as heat filled my cheeks. I remembered the intense kiss we had earlier, it bothered me just how incredibly good he was at it, and to think, it had been my _first _too. Seriously, I had my first kiss done with _Loki_. _Freaking Gorgeous, drop dead sexy Loki !_ Take that bitches !

I jerked my head up, wanting to know if he'd heard what I just said. And it seemed like he did, he looked at me intently from above. His height advance taking most of the pros in the situation.

"You were _saying_, mortal ?" He asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

His playfulness reminded me of how irritated I was supposed to be, so I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh nothing, just shut it Loki." And then I crossed my arms over my chest. Loki laughed for awhile before asking a new question.

"So, did you get the '_take-outs´_ and ingredients today ?" He asked.

_Oh shit. _I totally forgot about them ! Uh hello ? I was busy running my ass off awhile ago, trying to keep  
you safe, you ass.

"Dang it! I forgot them at the mart ! I didn't even buy the take-outs yet ! Well, if you hadn't been an _ass _earlier, then I could have bought them. Jerk."I say with a strong tone of voice. It was true anyway, if he had just told me earlier that he knew about what was going to happen next, then I could have saved myself the shame of losing my first kiss to an ass of a God like him, not that I was complaining or anything, okay fine, yes, he was a great kisser, but still ! Gah, my head hurts again.

Loki chuckled. "So now, you are blaming me now for your carelessness, mortal ?"

I frowned. "Yeah, because you deserve it, asshole. And stop calling me mortal, it's pretty darn annoying when you do that." I poked his chest.

He grabbed my finger smiled creepily. Yikes. "I do what I want."

I slapped my other free hand onto his hand, causing him to let go of my finger. "And the same goes for me too, I can kick you out whenever I want, now tell me your almighty _sassiness_, do you want me to sell you out to the Avengers tor not ? " I asked him with my arms crossed over my chest.

He didn't reply instead, he gave me a low scowl which meant I probably won this round.

"Thought so." I smiled in victory.

For the rest of the evening, I took Loki out to eat at a diner instead. We finished about an hour without arguing and walked back to the house, enjoying each other's silent company. I often caught him gazing at the stars at night. Curious, I decided to follow his gaze and then I found myself admiring the starry sky too. But I knew one thing for sure that Loki wasn't just simply admiring the skies, he was thinking deeply about something. Perhaps he missed his family then ?

I sighed and let the cool breeze of the wind blow my worries and troubles away.

When we'd reached the house, I found the main door unlocked, and thank goodness nothing was taken. (I would have to lecture Loki about the importance of locking doors later). I told Loki to close the door right after me once he'd gotten in and quickly made my way towards to kitchen to inspect his work.

I found the sink empty and the whole kitchen clean. I sighed in relief. It was refreshing to know that Loki had done his job after all. I started walking around when I heard a 'squish' come from underneath the carpet on the floor. I ducked down and lifted the carpet to check what had caused the odd sound.

I gasped. What. The. Hell.

Burnt pancakes were lying all over the floor, just underneath the carpet that hid them.

Just then, I felt my nerves pop with anger.

"Loki ! You son-of-a-bitch ! Come here !"

I was definitely going to beat him to a pulp tonight.


End file.
